BEAR enters

PERSON: Wow, this place is beautiful.
REALTOR: Yeah, and have you seen the view?
PERSON: My God. I tell ya, I think this place is the one.
REALTOR: Well that's fantastic!
PERSON: It's just so much better than anything else I've seen.
REALTOR: Well I'm glad you've come to that decision, but there is something I am obligated to tell you. By law.
PERSON: What's that?
REALTOR: It's really not a big deal, it's just, the law makes it clear that I have to tell you this before I sell you the place.
PERSON: OK.
REALTOR: This house is haunted.
PERSON: Really?
REALTOR: Yes. This is a haunted house.
PERSON: Well, I don't believe in ghosts.
REALTOR: It's not really a question of believing, unfortunately. This has been confirmed by scientific researchers, previous occupants. Myself, I've seen the ghost.
PERSON: Is this something I should be concerned about?
REALTOR: No, not really. It's not an evil ghost. It haunts as it lived.
PERSON: How did it live?
REALTOR: It walks around here mainly. It might frighten you the first couple of times you see it, but you'll get used to it, I promise.
PERSON: OK.
REALTOR: It won't bother you when you're showering or in the bathroom, it won't bother you when you're sleeping. It's a downstairs ghost, really.
PERSON: That's good.
REALTOR: And it stays out of the way when you have guests. Most of the time. Sometimes it doesn't realize until it's too late.

BEAR enters

PERSON: Aaah! Oh God, there's a bear in here!
REALTOR: Calm down, calm down. That's not a bear, that's the ghost.
PERSON: What do you mean that's the ghost? It's a bear! It's on its hind legs, that means it's angry!
REALTOR: Yes, it's a bear, but it's not a real bear. It's a ghost of a bear.
PERSON: Bears can have ghosts?
REALTOR: Apparently. This is a one of a kind, really. Ghostologists are baffled. This is really a paradigm-shifting bear.
PERSON: Can it hurt me?
REALTOR: Oh no, don't be silly. Ghosts can have no affect whatsoever on the mortal world. Bear or no bear.

BEAR growls

PERSON: Jesus Christ! Does it do that often?
REALTOR: When it's hungry.
PERSON: Hungry? Do I have to feed it?
REALTOR: Oh, just leave out some bird seed a few times a week. It'll be fine.
PERSON: Ghosts don't have to eat, do they?
REALTOR: You really don't know much about ghosts, do you?

BEAR swipes at PERSON with claw, knocks him down

PERSON: He's attacking me!
REALTOR: Hmm, I remember the ghost bear being more brown.
PERSON: This is a real bear!
REALTOR: It could be. We're surrounded by woods here. Have you seen the lovely view?

BEAR eats PERSON