My conversation with the woman walking out of Cold Stone ice cream shop on the coldest day of the year

ME: What were you thinking?
WOMAN: Excuse me?
ME: Ice cream? Today? The wind chill is below zero out here.
WOMAN: I got hot fudge.

'Tis the season

I think the thing I like the most about this time of year is the look on the faces of all the Jewish children.

An abridged history of England

circa 5th/6th century: settled
5th/6th century-1960: boring
1960-present: rock and roll

EQUAL TIME UPDATE: I'm sure you've seen this and this.

EQUAL TIME ONLY GOES SO FAR UPDATE: Who the hell cares about Canada?

Early New Year's Resolution

You know that thing I said about a guaranteed update every day? That's over. I was going to save this one till New Year's, but it was going to stop over vacation anyway. I found myself getting an idea and saving it for the next day because I didn't have anything else for tomorrow and I don't like that, not to mention posting some lame stuff just to fill up the daily quota. So I'll try to get here a minimum of four times a week.

I'd kill you if it weren't for Balderdash...

“The Devil Bat”
Satan tries to possess a family’s cat but instead becomes a baseball bat used in a hate crime.
Me

Bob Boyer
A Houston man murdered by an angry mob after being mistaken for a space alien.
The Fork

Bob Boyer
Wyoming man who holds the world record for infant throwing at 43.6 meters.
Dan

CDFC
Colorado Delicate Fireproofing Commission
Me

Bob Boyer
Chemist who came up with a way of turning soybeans into certain things, such as doorknobs and gear shift handles.
Steve

Me: Cool

Aw yeah

IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED UPDATE: The link was broken. Try again (though it might not work, I think the problem is with the hosting site)

Charles, plotting revenge

"We should throw a pine tree at her."

John Edwards: Senator, Vice Presidential Candidate...Music Video Extra?

"Tom Courtenay" by Yo La Tengo. Put the thing on full screen. About fifty seconds in, there's a janitor putting posters on a wall. I am convinced this is John Edwards. You'll see him from behind, not really getting a good look at him, there'll be a shot or two with the band, then fifty-seven seconds in, he'll dance in front of the camera.

THAT IS JOHN FUCKING EDWARDS.

Later, he'll be at the show picking bristles out of his broom. Absolutely John Edwards.

Great song too, by the way.

Go to town, big guy.

Merry fucking Christmas, you know?

Think he'd be interested in "235?"

I read about this blog in Newsweek. Some funny stuff. Dare I say Balderdash-worthy. Basically they're a bunch of terrible pitches posted by this movie producer or something. My favorite on the front page:

"Eyna!" (South African for "Ouch!") is the comedic tale of a man, a manly-man, a sports-legend, national hero, nay a cricket god, who finds himself... pregnant? Ah, the fickle finger of fate and misguided storks."