Since it is not worth finishing, the first two paragraphs of "I think you're going bald and there's a T. Rex in the backyard"

Honey, I don't know how to tell you this. We've kind of been dancing around the subject for weeks now, but it's getting harder and harder to ignore. I'm sure you've noticed but I think it would be best for both of us if we just brought this issue out into the light of day. I think you're going bald. And also, there's a Tyrannosaurus Rex in the backyard.

I understand this may hurt your self-image and I'm truly sorry about that. I'm sensitive to your self-esteem problems. If you ever want anyone to talk to about any of that, you can come to me. I love you and I'll love you until the day you die, whether you die with a full head of hair or dangling from a T. Rex's mouth.

In lieu of something funny, the last 100 words of my paper on the draft

is so antithetical to the founding principles of our country. Morally, there is little if any compelling reason to give the military a pass from the free market world where the employer is obligated to provide enough incentive for prospective employees to ensure they receive the number they feel is necessary to run successfully. In addition to all of this, conscripted troops are simply not effective enough to justify such extreme measures. The Selective Service has had a chance to prove its worth and I see no compelling reason why we should take this idea into account in the future.

Balderdash: Everyone's a V.I.P. to Someone Edition

(Brought to you by The Go! Team's "Everyone's a V.I.P. to Someone." If you don't like The Go! Team then I'm afraid you're a terrible person and I don't think I could possibly be your friend)

Lolly Madonna War
Hot-headed Tennessee hillbillies start feuding over a farmer’s field.
Real

Sigatoka
The practice of throwing one’s offspring into the river to drown.
The Fork

Lolly Madonna War
A light-hearted documentary for pre-teens depicting the Cold War with lollipops and peppermint sticks; it stars pop sensation Madonna.
The Fork

Sigatoka
INSERT DRUG REFERENCE HERE
Me

J.B.D.F.C.
Juveniles Break Dance For Christ
Dan

Coleman (2:03:32 AM):

i threw my phome out the window
Me (2:03:43 AM): why would you do that
Coleman (2:03:48 AM): not on purpose