Insight: Boston

[Yes, BUTV10 is finally working, but you will never ever see this on TV. INSIDE JOKE AHOY!]

CHRISTIAN
We’ve decided that to foster a sense of togetherness across our network, we’re going to do some cross-programming with other shows on BUTV10. So tonight, we’re airing a report from a correspondent from BUTV’s newsmagazine show Insight: Boston. So we have a story on a little kitten living in Boston Commons. Let’s go to Maryanne Helmsley in Boston Commons. Maryanne?

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MARYANNE in the park. She speaks into the microphone, but all we hear is incoherent screaming. She walks awkwardly towards the camera one step at a time, as if she is wearing high heels even though she is only wearing sneakers. She almost trips and throws her arm out wildly to one side to regain her balance, then takes more tentative steps towards the camera.

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Stock footage of kittens playing, with the voice of MARYANNE still screaming incoherently over the footage.

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MARYANNE interviewing someone in the park. She asks him something and he responds, but his voice is just the sound of a vacuum cleaner.

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More stock footage of a kitten playing.

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Suddenly, four seconds of blue screen and silence, then directly back to the kitten.

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MARYANNE joylessly twirling and spinning an umbrella on top of a park bench, over her voice again.

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MARYANNE interviewing someone else. Her voice is as before and when the person she is interviewing responds, his voice is the sound of heavy industrial machinery clanking and screeching. Maryanne says something else and her voice becomes the sound of a nuclear explosion.

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MARYANNE speaking, her voice now a cacophony of all the horrible noises we’ve heard, stepping out of a giant top hat wearing a fake moustache.

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CHRISTIAN at his desk.

CHRISTIAN
Uh, thank you, Maryanne. Well we have Maryanne here in the studio, why don’t you tell us—uh—did you have fun filing this report?

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MARYANNE, now in a studio, speaking as before, her voice an incoherent howl.

CHRISTIAN
Thanks, we’ll be right back.