WHERE: BU Central, GSU Basement
WHEN: Tuesday, March 14 (that's tomorrow) at 8:30 (doors open at 8)
Free, of course
Monday, March 13, 2006
Away from the bananas
Scott sits at his computer, typing. Steve enters.
STEVE: Hey, Scott, what's up?
SCOTT: Nothing much. I was just about to go to sleep, actually.
STEVE: Hey, uh, can I talk to you for a second?
SCOTT: Yeah, sure. What's up?
STEVE: Well, I'd like to talk to you in private.
Scott examines the room.
SCOTT: Uh, there's no one here.
STEVE: (whispering) I need to speak to you away from the bananas.
We only now notice that there is a bunch of bananas sitting on Scott's desk.
SCOTT: What are you talking about.
STEVE: Please?
SCOTT: Come on, Steve, I don't have time--
STEVE: Scott! (he glances nervously at the bananas) Please.
Scott sighs and follows Steve into the hallway.
SCOTT: All right, what did you have to tell me?
Steve smiles now.
STEVE: I got you to leave the room because I told you I didn't want to say something in front of the bananas.
Steve laughs. Scott rolls his eyes.
SCOTT: Yeah. OK. Good one, Steve.
They return to the room. Scott stops just in front of the door.
SCOTT: Did you close the door?
STEVE: No.
SCOTT: Hmm.
Scott opens the door. They walk in and almost trip over the bananas, which are now sitting directly in front of the door. They are now both nervous.
SCOTT: All right, Steve, this isn't funny. Really.
STEVE: No, I swear.
They look at each other, terror in their eyes.
SCOTT: They must have--fallen.
There is no way the bananas fell.
STEVE: Yeah. Yeah. Sure they did.
They stare at the bananas. Quickly, Scott grabs one and begins eating it. Steve looks at him in horror, but Scott shoves the thing down his throat, barely chewing.
SCOTT (mouth full): See? Just a banana. (he grabs his stomach. He runs into the bathroom and vomits.)
STEVE: You OK in there?
There is a silence.
SCOTT: Yeah. Just washing up.
We hear the toilet flush. We hear the sink run. It runs for a few seconds and Steve seems to calm down. It keeps running. It seemes Scott should have turned it off by now.
STEVE: Scott?
He takes a few tentative steps towards the bathroom.
STEVE: Scott? Are you OK in there?
Steve pushes open the bathroom door. He sees only a banana, unpeeled, sitting in the sink. He screams and runs out of the room. He down a stairwell into the street. He bumps into someone he knows.
FRIEND: Hey, Steve. How are you doing?
Steve looks back at the building. He is panting.
STEVE: I'm OK. I think I'm OK.
The friend sees something is wrong and just wants to get away, confused.
FRIEND: Uh, all right. I'll see you later.
The friend walks off. Steve sighs, relieved.
STEVE: OK, Steve. You're all right. You got away. I just need to get home and forget this ever happened.
Steve turns around and starts walking home. There is a banana in his back pocket. Ominous music and a clap of thunder.
STEVE: Hey, Scott, what's up?
SCOTT: Nothing much. I was just about to go to sleep, actually.
STEVE: Hey, uh, can I talk to you for a second?
SCOTT: Yeah, sure. What's up?
STEVE: Well, I'd like to talk to you in private.
Scott examines the room.
SCOTT: Uh, there's no one here.
STEVE: (whispering) I need to speak to you away from the bananas.
We only now notice that there is a bunch of bananas sitting on Scott's desk.
SCOTT: What are you talking about.
STEVE: Please?
SCOTT: Come on, Steve, I don't have time--
STEVE: Scott! (he glances nervously at the bananas) Please.
Scott sighs and follows Steve into the hallway.
SCOTT: All right, what did you have to tell me?
Steve smiles now.
STEVE: I got you to leave the room because I told you I didn't want to say something in front of the bananas.
Steve laughs. Scott rolls his eyes.
SCOTT: Yeah. OK. Good one, Steve.
They return to the room. Scott stops just in front of the door.
SCOTT: Did you close the door?
STEVE: No.
SCOTT: Hmm.
Scott opens the door. They walk in and almost trip over the bananas, which are now sitting directly in front of the door. They are now both nervous.
SCOTT: All right, Steve, this isn't funny. Really.
STEVE: No, I swear.
They look at each other, terror in their eyes.
SCOTT: They must have--fallen.
There is no way the bananas fell.
STEVE: Yeah. Yeah. Sure they did.
They stare at the bananas. Quickly, Scott grabs one and begins eating it. Steve looks at him in horror, but Scott shoves the thing down his throat, barely chewing.
SCOTT (mouth full): See? Just a banana. (he grabs his stomach. He runs into the bathroom and vomits.)
STEVE: You OK in there?
There is a silence.
SCOTT: Yeah. Just washing up.
We hear the toilet flush. We hear the sink run. It runs for a few seconds and Steve seems to calm down. It keeps running. It seemes Scott should have turned it off by now.
STEVE: Scott?
He takes a few tentative steps towards the bathroom.
STEVE: Scott? Are you OK in there?
Steve pushes open the bathroom door. He sees only a banana, unpeeled, sitting in the sink. He screams and runs out of the room. He down a stairwell into the street. He bumps into someone he knows.
FRIEND: Hey, Steve. How are you doing?
Steve looks back at the building. He is panting.
STEVE: I'm OK. I think I'm OK.
The friend sees something is wrong and just wants to get away, confused.
FRIEND: Uh, all right. I'll see you later.
The friend walks off. Steve sighs, relieved.
STEVE: OK, Steve. You're all right. You got away. I just need to get home and forget this ever happened.
Steve turns around and starts walking home. There is a banana in his back pocket. Ominous music and a clap of thunder.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Life before cell phones: An anthropological study
Society has only recently become saturated with cellular telephones, but already they have made an indelible mark on the world in which we live. To truly understand the impact of their proliferation, I decided to go 24 hours in Boston without one. Here are the results:
12:01 AM: Turned off my cell phone.
12:14 AM: Went to bed. Had a peaceful sleep wherein I dreamed of driving a bicycle with four wheels through Warwick, RI while wearing a red baseball cap.
8:00 PM: Woke up with my alarm. Got out of bed and was preparing to shower when my stomach was seized by an overwhelming pain. Rushed into the bathroom and vomited powerfully for some time.
8:22 AM: Returned to bed feeling feverish. Slept.
9:39 AM: Awoke, vomited again. Called into work (on landline) and told them I would be staying home.
9:44 AM: Vomited, then returned to bed.
9:57 AM: Vomited, moved garbage pail next to pillow and returned to bed.
10:20 AM: Vomited into pail. Went to sleep.
3:45 PM: Woke up, vomited into pail. Cleaned pail. Vomited.
4:02 PM: Dry heaved. Guzzled a 20oz bottle of water.
4:14 PM: Went back to sleep.
4:46 PM: Woke up. Found myself starving and tentatively snacked on a few Saltines.
4:48 PM: Vomited ferociously. Bitterly swore off food for the day. Almost checked voicemail.
5:01 PM: Brushed my teeth.
5:03 PM: Vomited.
5:07 PM: Brushed my teeth. Returned to bed.
7:16 PM: Woke up. Almost vomited. Saw spots.
7:22 PM: Tripped and fell returning to bed. Called ambulance (from landline).
7:34 PM: Brought to Beth Israel Hospital.
8:29 PM: Given spinal tap.
8:52 PM: Diagnosed with severe stomach flu. Told to rest.
9:17 PM: Slept.
10:10 PM: Vomited.
10:14 PM: Returned to bed. Slept until morning.
11:24 AM: Released from hospital.
So in conclusion, though I did find myself almost compulsively moving to check my voicemails, I was able to function in the course of a regular day without my cell phone.
12:01 AM: Turned off my cell phone.
12:14 AM: Went to bed. Had a peaceful sleep wherein I dreamed of driving a bicycle with four wheels through Warwick, RI while wearing a red baseball cap.
8:00 PM: Woke up with my alarm. Got out of bed and was preparing to shower when my stomach was seized by an overwhelming pain. Rushed into the bathroom and vomited powerfully for some time.
8:22 AM: Returned to bed feeling feverish. Slept.
9:39 AM: Awoke, vomited again. Called into work (on landline) and told them I would be staying home.
9:44 AM: Vomited, then returned to bed.
9:57 AM: Vomited, moved garbage pail next to pillow and returned to bed.
10:20 AM: Vomited into pail. Went to sleep.
3:45 PM: Woke up, vomited into pail. Cleaned pail. Vomited.
4:02 PM: Dry heaved. Guzzled a 20oz bottle of water.
4:14 PM: Went back to sleep.
4:46 PM: Woke up. Found myself starving and tentatively snacked on a few Saltines.
4:48 PM: Vomited ferociously. Bitterly swore off food for the day. Almost checked voicemail.
5:01 PM: Brushed my teeth.
5:03 PM: Vomited.
5:07 PM: Brushed my teeth. Returned to bed.
7:16 PM: Woke up. Almost vomited. Saw spots.
7:22 PM: Tripped and fell returning to bed. Called ambulance (from landline).
7:34 PM: Brought to Beth Israel Hospital.
8:29 PM: Given spinal tap.
8:52 PM: Diagnosed with severe stomach flu. Told to rest.
9:17 PM: Slept.
10:10 PM: Vomited.
10:14 PM: Returned to bed. Slept until morning.
11:24 AM: Released from hospital.
So in conclusion, though I did find myself almost compulsively moving to check my voicemails, I was able to function in the course of a regular day without my cell phone.
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