I am impervious to buses

Hello. I don't know you, but you might know me. Did you see the kid who got hit by that bus on Comm Ave and didn't even get a scratch? Yeah. That was me.

I didn't ask for this gift. It just kind of fell into my lap. I won't get into the long-winded story of how or why. I'll just say that of all the genie-filled magic lamps in the world, it's just my luck that I get the genie with the sense of humor.

I wasn't showing off. I was late for class because I had forgotten my hat, ran back to my room, realized I didn't have a hat, ran back to class, realized I had forgotten my pants, and woke up. In all the worry about hats and pants, I overslept. So I got ready, ran across the street, and just didn't see it coming.

"Money," I asked for. "Fame and fortune." This stooge gives me invincibility in the face of buses.

I don't like being the center of attention. So when you all crowded around me after the accident, it wasn't my happiest moment. For future reference, no I don't need to go to the hospital; yes, I really got hit by that bus; no, I'm not faking it; yes, I'm OK; no, I'm not your savior. I'm just impervious to buses, OK?

I thought you were supposed to get three wishes! Since when do I get one wish that I don't even wish?

To answer your question, no I am not impervious to other vehicles. I can only thank God that wasn't a motorcycle or a minivan barreling down the street that day. I supposed I could survive being hit my something else. But my survival would be completely incidental.

I suppose I can understand the genie's boredom. Lock me in a lamp for a couple thousand years and I'm pretty upset too. So by all means, genie, have a little fun! But at least give me one real wish! At least a couple hundred bucks!

I know there are a lot of people angry at me. And believe me, I didn't ask for this to happen. I had no idea the bus was going to bounce right off me into Marsh Plaza. I was as shocked as you were when the bus mowed down that priest's convention. I was less surprised that it killed all those students, but that doesn't mean I was any less horrified. Believe me, if I could turn off this horrible curse of mine, I would have sacrificed myself for the sake of the other kids and the priests and the bus full of elderly people. But that's not how the world works, unfortunately.

"Be practical," he said. Look, genie. I don't want to hear your little lecture about inflation and unstable economies. I'd rather have a hundred billion dollars in Weimar Germany than this little bus joke of yours. Then maybe I could have killed Hitler and prevented the Holocaust instead of being the cause of the "Boston Bus Holocaust" yesterday. Stupid sensationalist Herald.

I was still surprised. I mean, a genie tells you you're impervious to buses, that's one thing. But to actually see a bus bounce off you and fly through the air? That's a totally different situation.

"Can't get rich if you get his by a bus," he said. Jackass.