(By the way, I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't "sic" these NGW articles. The reason for that is simply if I did, I think those keys would probably wear out and I need them to type my name)
For those of you who have a great idea for some fake wrestling mercindise, you can click right on the "Suggest Mercindise" link right next to the "Other Mercindise" one.
Item number 1001 is quite fetching, and it's a steal at only $19.99. I think I might pick one up. The front reads "We CaN Do THiS THe eaSY WaY..." in x-tra x-treme randomly capitalized Comic Sans font. The back finishes the sentence, reading "oR THe X-TReMe WaY!" featuring a picture of real life professional wrestler Raven who presumably looks like Scottywood (long haired professional wrestler vs. bald banana armed toothpick? Meh, close enough). Raven looks as if he is upset that someone is taking more than their fair share of candy out of his birthday pin~ata (pretend that squiggle is over the n), but I guess it's "X-TReMe" because he's got a little scab on his forehead.
I am also considering purchasing Item 1028, which is a Scottywood "The Perfect One" tee-shirt. Scottywood's perfectness is represented by a two-dimensional unproportional fat South Park ripoff who looks more like he's braindead than X-TReMe. He seems to be striking a philosophical pose, considering ultimate truth and the question of reality vs. illusion. That or his poorly-designed body makes it impossible for him to lower his arms past his shoulders.
I know what you're saying. "I have thousands of shirts. What I really need is a Scottywood yo-yo." Well look no further than Item 2012. I can only guess that the things were flying off the shelf so fast they couldn't take a picture of the real one, as the yo-yo picture looks about as authentic as a CBS document. To say it was "Photoshopped" would be generous. Who am I kidding, to say it was "pasted together by an angry rhino" would be generous.
Item 6013 is another must-have for any true Scottywood fan. I know it looks like just a pair of average sunglasses. But these aren't just any sunglasses. These are Scottywood replica sunglasses! Replicas of the sunglasses Scottywood really wears, which are apparently the first thing he picked off the rack at Wal-Mart.
I can't believe Item 6022 is only $4.99 considering the hours and hours of labor it must have taken to find a picture of real-life wrestler Raven and cut a rectangle out of it.
Did you know Scottywood wrote an autobiography? Who knew someone who can speak English about as well as a jellyfish could be such an accomplished writer?
I can't translate the descriptions of Items 9002, 9003, and 9007, so here they are in full.
9002: This is the piece of hockey stick Scotty uses on his oponets 1/5 with COA
9003: This is one of the hockey stciks Scottywood brings to the ring with him 1/50 with COA
9007: This Zamboni is the one that Scottywood drove off the loading dock onto a car that Prime Time was in. The Zamboni crushed the car and hurt Prime Time pretty good. This Zamboni is signed by Scottywood and Prime Time [Nice that Prime Time could be a good enough sport to sign the Zamboni that almost crushed him to death]. It also comes with a COA and the keys so you can drive it and clean ice with it [Ha!]. Only 1 is avaiable.
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