This post will change the way you eat lunch forever

A couple months ago, I was watching the news. It was about time to go to commercial, and they played a teaser I found quite interesting.

"Coming up on the News at 10, we have a report that will change the way you eat lunch forever."

And then the power went out. It stayed out for some time.

So I was left there alone in the dark to contemplate on my own how this report would have changed the way I ate lunch forever.

Had nutritionists discovered that eating lunch via osmosis was healthier and more pleasurable than ingesting food orally?

Had somebody invented anti-gravity boots?

But even if these were the answers, it seems like those would change the way we lived our entire lives, not just lunch. What could it be? What could it possibly be?

I mean, they already have peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. Did they get the bread in there too?

Meanwhile, I'm eating lunch the same way today as I ever have. What am I missing? I can only imagine what people say about me when I leave the room.

"Pph. Look at that idiot. Ingesting his food orally. On the ground."