You know what bothers me about muggers?

The greed.

You know? I mean, I think I'm an open-minded enlightened individual. Not everyone is able to make enough money to survive in this cruel capitalist machine we call "society." Likewise, some people need so much booze to make it through the day that they are just unable to live within their means.

I understand all that.

But come on, muggers. Think of the victims for once. You know? Maybe I need that money to buy a present for my grandmother. You could at least ask.

Or, you know, at least be flexible. A little flexibility is all I'm asking for here. You know? Instead of jumping out at me with a weapon, screaming "Gimme all your money," how about letting me have a say?

You know. Just step out in front of me and say "Give me some of your money."

(A please now and then really wouldn't kill you either.)

"OK," I'd say. "You want some of my money? Well how much do you need?"

"Well I don't know. How about $15?"

"Ooh, gosh, I'm sorry. I don't have any fives, just tens."

"Well, I'll take $20 then."

"Hey, now let's not get..."

"Alright, alright, $10 would be fine."

"OK, sir. Here is $10."

"Thank you very much."

Now see? Wasn't that better?

Forced philanthropy. I like it.