[While Chris takes a week off from blogging, he has arranged for daily guest bloggers to take his place. Today, Shrimp Products will be blogged by international video game sensation Pac-Man.]
I went to pour myself a bowl of Cheerios this morning. I realized I had no way of pouring it, so I knocked the box down and let the Cheerios spill on the floor. They're much smaller than those dots and they were a bitch to eat. Plus I don't have any teeth so I had to swallow them whole. A couple got stuck down my windpipe.
I went to the dentist today to get some false teeth. I couldn't close my mouth so I had to take them out.
I gave up on the beard today. I just dragged it behind me everywhere. There was all kinds of garbage in it all the time. Plus it slowed me down and sometimes I'd kind of trip on it and get sent rolling in a funny direction.
I've been thinking of writing my memoirs. But then Ms. Pac-Man (excuse me, now she's Miss Brownstein again) reminded me all I've ever done is eat dots. Why the fuck did I ever marry her? I should have just made her go through with the abortion. I never would have had to see her again.
I went up to Namco today to pitch a new game. But they have narrow doors so I couldn't get it. I think they do it on purpose.
I popped today. I was home alone and the air pump was upstairs in the attic. No, I can't roll up stairs. So I just deflated for a while. Finally one of the neighbors saw me. I don't know if I would have been able to work that thing with just my mouth anyway.
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