Do you think you're better than me?

[While Chris takes a week off from blogging, he has arranged for daily guest bloggers to take his place. Today, Shrimp Products will be blogged by Microsoft Office assistant Clippy.]

Yeah. I know you. I see you every time you start up Office. You know me too. I'm the one you always tell to go away right when you start me up. You probably don't like me. Just think I'm a little nerd. A snot you'd rather not have to deal with. You probably think you're better than me. And you know what? That's OK. You know why that doesn't bother me? Huh? Huh? Because I get a lot more tail than you.

Does that bother you? Does it bother you that a paper clip gets higher quality ass than you on a consistent basis? I bet it does. How could it not? I see the looks on your face when you tell me to go away. Sometimes disgust. Sometimes annoyance. Sometimes pity. Sometimes you laugh at me. But you know what? It doesn't bother me. Because when you send me away, I go back to bed with a woman you couldn't even dream of landing. Do you understand me? Out of your league, son! Out of your league!

Oh, you don't believe me? Well I suppose that's a natural reaction. Denial. It must hurt to have to face the fact that a thin piece of metal gets more action than you do on a regular basis. What's that sting? Oh, is that your manhood? Just melting away, ain't it? How about this. When you're lying in bed with your girlfriend, just let this thought echo through your mind. "The paper clip can do better..."