For some four months now, I've provided you with top-notch entertainment and comedy for free. Now I believe the Internet should always be free and I've never been into donating online myself, but I've got an idea and I need some funds to get it off the ground. Your help would be greatly appreciated.
I want to buy a Super Bowl ad. At least one. I'd probably buy one at the beginning of the game. I think the ratings are highest at that point. I don't know, I should look it up to make sure my ad gets maximum exposure.
Of course buying the ad would be the expensive part. The ad itself would be no frills. It would just be me sitting in a room. I'd stare right into the camera (the address of my web site would be on the bottom of the screen of course) and read the following message.
"Dear children of America. Santa Claus is not real. It is a lie told to you by your parents. The North Pole, the reindeer, the elves, the whole shebang. Made up. Completely fake. Ask them about it. That's all."
Is it wrong to ruin Christmas for millions of children around the world? Meh. Can't say I care. Just send me your money. Donors who give $10,000 or more will be allowed to sit next to me during the commercial. Donors who give more than $100,000 will be allowed to read a short statement on my ad time pending my approval of your statement. So open those wallets, Shrimp Products readers! Let's do it!
2 comments:
You are a suck and twisted little man. Just like the fans and wrestlers in NGW and tN. So on behalf of Next Generation Entertainment we'd like to donate $500,000.
For this donation the set shall be transformed into the NGW Tuesfay Night Storm stage. Music will hit, pyros will go off and Scottywood will make his way out onto the stage. We will then see Scottywood wrestler The Shrimp in a arm wrestling match.
Following my victory and advertisement for NGW shall play and then ypu may go on to ruin the Christmas of every child on earth. At which point Scottywood will leave so that parents may successfully snipe you for ruining Christmas.
Is this real money or NGW money?
Because I don't think CBS takes NGW money.
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