I took these down a while ago and only just now remembered about them.
(Humpty Dumpty walks over to Gremlin in a Hawaiian shirt looking at a fish tank)
HUMPTY DUMPTY: I understand these fish are a lot like Italian sports cars. They're nice to look at but they cost a bundle and they're temperamental as Hell.
A minute or two later, the Gremlin in a Hawaiian shirt threw a fire extinguisher threw the fish tank for no reason.
(Wayne Newton's classy daughter walks into Squinty Eddie's apartment with a bottle of champagne)
WAYNE NEWTON'S CLASSY DAUGHTER: I brought you a housewarming present, want to pour it on each other?
GREMLIN IN A HAWAIIAN SHIRT: Maybe it was an accident.
HUMPTY DUMPTY: Come on, Henry. Time to eat your burnt pancakes.
(Henry looks down, ashamed)
GUY WHO ALWAYS LOOKS WORSE THAN THE LAST TIME YOU SAW HIM: You're dinosaurs, both of you.
WAYNE NEWTON, WHO RARELY STAYS TO HEAR THE END OF STORIES: Dinosaurs, huh? Well as I seem to remember it, dinosaurs had a pretty good run.
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2 comments:
Hey you have a typo you stupid idiot! God, what a crappy site! You said "threw the fish tank" instead of "through the fish tank". I hope someone gets fired for this. I hope The Fork sees this, you'll never hear the end of it! How do you expect to get ANYWHERE in life at this rate? You're on fucking notice! Man, I hate being sick...
I guess it's time to eat my burnt pancakes.
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