Dan

Thanks to Dan for saving this when I moronically lost it.

Me: hey thank y ou so much for the cakeMe: it meant a lot to jessica and me
Dan: who is htis?
Me: it's scott, the boyfriend of the girl you had sex with last week
Me: i was pretty pissed, but really, the cake was great
Me: you didnt' have to go to all that trouble
Dan: well i do enjoy making cakes
Me: i can tell
Me: it was delicious
Dan: personally, i prefer pie though
Me: that's cool
Me: well anyway, thanks for the cake
Me: just stay the fuck away from jessica
Dan: ok will do
Me: thank you
Me: because no cakes will make up for doing it again
Dan: what about a nice hallmark card with some money in it?
Me: are you joking around with me?
Me: don't fuck around with me man, all right?
Me: i'm willing to make amends but jessica means the world to me
Me: so just keep your hands off her from now on, ok?
Dan: i'm not sure where this is all coming from
Dan: i won't touch her, whoever she is
Me: i see
Me: your the kind of scumbag who does this all the time, aren't you?
Me: you make me sick, you know that?
Me: you make a damn good cake but you're still a scumbag
Dan: well now i know it
Dan: hey, do you know jose reyes?
Me: no i don't
Me: fuck, there's a jose on jessica's phone
Me: who is he?
Dan: her pool boy
Me: well i'm glad you find my girlfriend's infidelity so funny
Dan: you think i'm bad, jose is 20 times worse than me
Dan: you'd probably projectile vomit if you saw him
Me: did he sleep with jessica, yes or no
Dan: i dunno what he does with jessica
Dan: i only know one jessica
Me: i need a straight answer, my relationship depends on it
Me: well you've had more than one
Me: classy guy
Dan: which street does the one you are talking about live on?
Me: why
Me: you stay the fuck away from my girl, all right?
Dan: so i know we are talking about the same person
Dan: cuz i dunno who you are, or if the jessica of which you speak, is the jessica that i know
Me: yeah, "what street does she live on," nice try smartass
Dan: what religion is she?
Me: agnostic
Dan: nope
Dan: not the same one
Me: so you don't even remember her then. wow.
Dan: the one i know is jewish
Me: i'm beginning to think you didn't even make this cake
Dan: incredibly jewish
Dan: and she lives on west locust
Dan: and i never laid a hand on her
Dan: or a mouth
Dan: or a genital
Me: yeah yeah laugh
Dan: or even a foot
Me: i'm glad my panic is amusing you this morning
Dan: actually, it's more intriguing than anything
Dan: my interest is piqued
Me: jessica just woke up and she says you know exactly who she is
Me: so just cut the act, all right?
Me: i told you, the cake was nice but you're fucking will all my good will
Dan: so you say i had sex with her last week
Dan: its impossible
Me: and why is that
Dan: i wasn't even in the same state as her
Me: how the hell do you know that?
Dan: because i went home for spring break
Dan: and she went to spain or something
Me: do you live in connecticut?
Me: jessica has never been overseas besides canada
Dan: nice try
Dan: she already went to england
Me: you don't even remember this girl five minutes ago, now your TELLING me my girlfriend went to england?
Me: she went to curacao as well but never england
Dan: i never said i didn't remember her, i said i don't know if we are talking about the same persn
Me: well the jessica i'm talking about is an agnostic, so didn't we determine you've anonomously fucked more than one jessica recently?
Dan: no i don't really have sex
Me: she's telling me otherwise
Me: and i have no reason not to believe her
Dan: well whatever, i know you are a liar because you said you don't know who jose is
Dan: and you would definately know who he is, you've met him
Me: is he the one with the huge cheekbones?
Dan: i don't think they are
Me: well it's not the same jose then because the first thing you notice about this one is his cheekbones
Dan: well anyways, you would know who he is
Me: i wasn't with jessica last week
Dan: that doesn't change the fact that you don't know who jose is
Me: i never said i did
Me: besides the one with the cheekbones i met once
Dan: so how long have you been dating?
Dan: you got her a real nice present for valentines day
Me: she told you about that?
Dan: well she only showed me one thing
Dan: i don't know if there were multiple presents
Me: god
Me: i don't know what to think about this
Dan: i think you are full of shit
Me: how dare you
Me: where do you get off saying something like that?
Dan: because you are just playing around trying to make me feel bad
Dan: you obviously aren't serious
Dan: and im not even guilty to the act you claim i committe
Dan: d
Me: making the cake?
Dan: i never made that cake and i never had sex with jessica
Dan: your whole premise is false
Me: is this dan bonner?
Dan: yeah right, like you dont know who you are talking to the whole time
Dan: if jess was really there, like you said she was, she would know who you were talking to
Dan: like i said; you're full of shit
Dan: a real nice try though
Me: we're not talking about the same jessica, remember?
Dan: yeah right
Me: my jessica says you're dan bonner, yes or no
Dan: hahaha dan banner, that's the lamest name i ever heard of
Me: bonner
Dan: sounds real made up
Me: so you're not dan bonner then?
Dan: dan ridgeway
Dan: ok im getting breakfast now
Me: oh sorry
Me: my mistake
Dan: see you later
Dan: yea right, big mistake
Me: if you see dan bonner thank him for the cake
Dan: i will
Dan: jose

Kinda weird: Dan told me later he knows a Scott going out with a Jessica. I had no idea about this.