THE ONION IS STEALING MY IDEAS PT. 2

Don't bother clicking the link to the Onion from this post. It doesn't work anymore. Back then, I had an idea about Bush refusing to do the ceremonial pardoning of the turkey the Presidents always do on Thanksgiving and within a week the Onion did something about turkeys detained in Guantanamo or something.

From this week's issue of the Onion:

Fear Factor Creator's Will: 'Heirs Must Eat My Ashes To Collect Inheritance'
LOS ANGELES—According to details of Fear Factor creator John de Mol's will released Monday, his heirs cannot collect their inheritance until they complete a battery of challenges. "I do bequeath my estate to my wife and children, henceforth 'you,' on the condition that you fully consume the ashes from my freshly cremated corpse," the creator's will read. "Should you be able to complete the task, you will receive $10 million and a Caribbean vacation. Fail, and you'll be eliminated from my benefactors—unless you spend one hour locked in a coffin filled with maggots." Comedian Joe Rogan will serve as the will's executor.

Strikingly similar to a stand-up bit I did at my last show. In short:

I think I'd like to have a death bed when I die. I think I could have some fun with it. Because whatever you say on your death bed goes. "I want to be creamated--and I want my ashes to be spread over your breakfast cereal every morning until I'm finished." [It wouldn't even have to be anything that bad, either. "Stay out of the living room." "What, you're joking right? I mean we can still go in the living room--" "No!" (face turns to a grimace, sighs, passes away) "Oh great, now we can't go in the living room. Well I'm not going in there, those were his last words! This is great, now we have to buy a new TV, put it in like the kitchen..."]

Be on the lookout for any Onion mentions of ambulances.