Since it is not worth finishing, the first two paragraphs of "I think you're going bald and there's a T. Rex in the backyard"

Honey, I don't know how to tell you this. We've kind of been dancing around the subject for weeks now, but it's getting harder and harder to ignore. I'm sure you've noticed but I think it would be best for both of us if we just brought this issue out into the light of day. I think you're going bald. And also, there's a Tyrannosaurus Rex in the backyard.

I understand this may hurt your self-image and I'm truly sorry about that. I'm sensitive to your self-esteem problems. If you ever want anyone to talk to about any of that, you can come to me. I love you and I'll love you until the day you die, whether you die with a full head of hair or dangling from a T. Rex's mouth.