The Juice

Everyone's so afraid of OJ Simpson. I don't get it. He only killed once. It's not like he has a history of killing. His murders weren't particularly brutal. He killed two people one time, it was a crime of passion. Give the guy a break.

In fact, I'd feel very safe around OJ Simpson. He's not killing anyone again. The entire country thinks--knows, really--that he got away with killing two people. You think he's going to be dumb enough to try it again? Of course not. If someone winds up dead within a fifteen mile radius of OJ, he's instantly the number one suspect. Everyone suspects him. He's not going to try it again. He got away with murder once, you think he's going to go for two? No.

If I'm with a stranger, I don't know what I'm going to get. What's to stop him from saying, "you know what? I think today's the day I try to get away with murder." OJ's done that already and he couldn't do it again. His murdering days are behind him. I know what I'm getting with OJ. I feel very safe around OJ.

I tell you who I wouldn't feel safe around. Jesus. Because nobody would ever suspect Jesus. You could walk into a room with one door, no windows, a dead body in one corner and Jesus holding a smoking pistol in another corner and you still wouldn't suspect him.

"Oh my God, Jesus, what happened here?"

"I don't know, man. I don't know. There was this guy--and he just--like, shot this other guy--and then he, like--threw the gun at me and then he ran away."

"But Jesus, I was by the door the whole time, I didn't see anyone run out."

"I know, that's the thing. He went over to the--wall, and found like a secret brick or a secret door or something--and I swear, he just, like, walked through the door. I was looking for the brick cause I was trying to chase after him, but I can't find it. Messed up shit, man. Messed up."

"Wow. Well we have to find this guy."

"I know, you're telling me!"