More CT

The Connecticut PR team is one of the best in the business. Connecticut’s slogan is “Connecticut: We’re Full of Surprises.” This is true. It is probably a surprise to most parents the first time they find themselves pushing their child’s strollers over discarded hypodermic needles in Bridgeport. It is almost certainly surprising to see that the Nutmeg State has no more or less nutmeg than anyone else. And it is probably the biggest surprise of all that the state whose slogan is “We’re Full of Surprises” could be so utterly devoid of real, meaningful surprises.

Connecticut is the richest state in the Union and has been for some time. This is because rather than being spent on things found in other states like “the arts” or “entertainment,” every single penny that someone from Connecticut makes is deposited directly into their bank accounts where it remains until the earner dies and passes it on to his children’s bank account. The title of richest state is pretty easy to hold on to when your biggest expense is a plane ticket the hell out of the state. Failing that, a revolver and a single bullet only costs about $50 if you know where to look.

Hartford’s slogan is “New England’s Rising Star.” This is true, but only by default. Hartford, the capitol of the richest state in the country, is the second poorest city in America. When you’re that low, it’s pretty easy to rise. Unless you’re dipping below the immigrant slums of El Paso, you’re pretty much golden. Flushing a toilet within the city limits is technically enough to justify the tag line.