The Fork's Away Message Challenge

Change of Plans: I will give a bright shiny 5 dollar bill to anyone who can compose an away message in 30 words or less that hits all the major away message cliches. It must include:
1. A paradoxically extroverted statement about how introverted you are
2. A reference to one of your jerkoff friends and what you are doing with them for the next 9 hours
3. It must be happy beyond all belief.
4. It must somehow be the song lyrics from either a shitty rapper or a shitty emo band.
5. It must be superficially profound in a big way.
6. it must be retardedly dramatic so as to arrouse unnecessary sympathy for the writer.
7.it must end in an ellipsis(...)

I've been thinking about this and it's tough. I don't know if it can be done to be quite honest with you.