Great Moments in American History as reenacted by sock puppets (from BU Tonight)

CHRISTIAN
Midterms are coming, so we’d thought we’d help out. When people study, some people use mnemonic devices, others use songs or acronyms to help them remember things. We thought we’d help out by using one of our favorite techniques: using sock puppets to recreate dramatic moments in history. This week: when President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki to end World War II.

PATTERSON
Mr. President, we need a decision. An invasion of Japan could cost us thousands of American lives. Japan will fight until the last man.

TRUMAN
Well, Mr. Secretary, my concern is—

PATTERSON
Damnit, Mr. President! We need a decision! Now!

TRUMAN
OK! I just need time to think!

PATTERSON exits, TRUMAN gazes contemplatively into the camera. A lone light shines down on truman… THE GHOST OF FDR enters.

GHOST OF FDR
Truman! Truman!

TRUMAN
Oh my God, Former President Franklin D. Roosevelt, I thought you were dead!

GHOST OF FDR
I am dead!

TRUMAN
You mean you’re a g-g-g-g-ghost?

GHOST OF FDR
Don’t worry, Harry. I’m here to help you.

TRUMAN
Wait, you can’t walk in Heaven either?

GHOST OF FDR
Yeah, I know. I was pretty pissed about that too. But that’s not the important thing. I know you think you’re at an impasse and you need to unleash the atomic bomb, but I’ve been working on it, and simultaneous amphibious assaults on Tokyo, Kyoto, Nagasaki, and Kobe will stretch the Japanese military to the breaking point and we can take the country in a matter of weeks. (Pause) Is there a bathroom around here?

GHOST OF BUCHANAN
Wait! Truuuuman!

TRUMAN
Who are you?

BUCHANAN
I’m the ghost of the fifteenth President of these United States, James Buchanan. Hey, FDR.

FDR
What’s up, Buchanan.

TRUMAN
What should I do, President Buchanan.

BUCHANAN
I think if we just talk to the Japanese, we can come to some sort of agreement. Senator Calhoun and I have been working on a Graaaaand Compromise that will keep the Union together and—

TRUMAN
Wait a minute. Didn’t the Union dissolve under your inept leadership?

BUCHANAN
Well that’s debatable, but—


CHESTER ARTHUR
Truuuuuuuuman….

TRUMAN
Who are you?

ARTHUR
I’m Chester A. Arthur, the 21st president of the United Staaaaaaaates of America….

TRUMAN
(pauses)
Really?

ARTHUR
Yes….yes, really…between 1881 and 1885

TRUMAN
(pauses)
Really?

(Buchanan starts to laugh)

ARTHUR
Hey…I’m more of a president than you Buchanan. Hey…hey…try this out. All those who presided over an administration that didn’t lead to the demise of the US political landscape, raise your hand…..Ahhhh, Buchanan, put your hand down..

TRUMAN
What should I do Arthur? How can I stop the war with Japan.

ARTHUR
You can defeat the Japs by growing a thick mustache…..


TRUMAN
How would that help?

ARTHUR
Well….it couldn’t hurt.


GHOST OF KURT COBAIN
Truman!

TRUMAN
Ghost of ‘90s alternative music icon Kurt Cobain?

COBAIN
That’s right, Truman! I’m here to tell you that you need to stay true to yourself and the music, man. Don’t let these advisors change who you are.

TRUMAN
But Kurt, I don’t know if the atomic bomb is the right thing to do.

COBAIN
Look….There were times when Dave Grohl tried to convince me to change my songs, but I stayed true to myself, and I never regretted it. Well, until I overdosed and then shot myself. (Pause) Does anyone have any ludes?

FDR
I might have some painkillers.

TRUMAN
You’re right, Kurt Cobain. I should drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

KOBAIN
Anyone wanna’ jam?

BUCHANAN
I play the harpsichord.

PATTERSON enters, the other ghosts dissolve.

PATTERSON
Mr. President, have you reached a decision?

TRUMAN
Yes, Secretary Patterson. Let’s drop the bomb.

“Smells Like Teen Spirit” plays as Truman gazes into the camera decisively. The GHOSTS appear and begin moshing. A cardboard mushroom cloud fades in as the song becomes louder.