A WARNING FROM THE FUTURE

CHRIS SARTINSKY returns home from work, throwing his briefcase and coat on his kitchen table before settling in his chair in the living room. Just as he turns on his TV, there is an explosion in the corner of the room. FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY, looking exactly like the Chris from the Present, even down to his clothing, emerges from a cloud of smoke. Future Chris steps forward and places his hands on his hips, striking a heroic pose.

FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY
Chris Sartinsky! I am you...FROM THE FUTURE!

CHRIS SARTINSKY
What? But how...

FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY
I'm here to WARN you about a GRAVE MISTAKE you are about to make! Don't take Sherry Hopkins to senior prom! She has herpes!

CHRIS SARTINSKY
Yeah, I know.

FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY
Bu--you do?

CHRIS SARTINSKY
Yeah. This is 2015. I went to prom twelve years ago.

FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY
2015? Goddammit.

CHRIS SARTINSKY
I really wish you'd warned me back in 2003. That could have saved me a lot of trouble.

FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY
Wait. What day is it?

CHRIS SARTINSKY
November 30, 2015. Why when are you from?

FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY
November 30, 2015. I've been working on this time machine for months--

CHRIS SARTINSKY
Yeah, I know.

FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY
Well apparently I still haven't worked the kinks out.

CHRIS SARTINSKY
So you're not really Future Chris Sartinsky. You're more like Present Chris Sartinsky, really.

FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY
Yeah, I guess so.

There is another explosion in the corner of the room. A third identical person, FUTURE FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY emerges from the smoke, striking an important pose with his hands on his hips.

FUTURE FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY
Wait, Chris! It's me, Chris Sartinsky from the Future! I'm here to tell you your time machine doesn't work a--my God. I can see I'm too late.

FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY
Yeah. When are you from?

FUTURE FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY
(looking at his watch)
About now, actually. Fucking Christ, this is embarrassing.

There is another explosion in the same corner of the room and a fourth Chris Sartinsky emerges from the smoke again.

PAST CHRIS SARTINSKY
Wait! Chris! I am you, from the past, and I've come to the future to see what I loo--oh, come on.

CHRIS SARTINSKY
Past Chris Sartinsky?

PAST CHRIS SARTINSKY
Yeah. What year is this? I'm from--

ALL
November 30, 2015.

PAST CHRIS SARTINSKY
Well that's just great.

CHRIS SARTINSKY
How come you didn't know this would happen?

PAST CHRIS SARTINSKY
I don't know. I guess I'm from a few minutes before you guys or something.

FUTURE CHRIS SARTINSKY
I don't think that's right. There's no time travel going on.

Suddenly, the front door is unlocked and slammed shut. The Chris Sartinskys stay still, trying not to make a noise. PRESENT CHRIS SARTINSKY enters, throwing his briefcase and coat on the kitchen table and enters the living room to see the other Chris Sartinskys there. They are all still for a moment, staring at each other, then they scatter and run off into the woods in different directions. OTHER PRESENT CHRIS SARTINSKY enters, throwing his briefcase and coat onto the kitchen table, not noticing the other two, and reclines in his chair, turning on the TV, where he reads the paper quietly for the rest of the afternoon.