I started playing Hearts when I was about seven. My grandfather would play with two of my uncles and my Aunt Elaine. Then one day my Uncle Murray died and my grandfather just pointed to me one day and nodded. And I knew what he meant. So I joined them and I won the first game I ever played and I just blew them out of the water. It wasn’t even close. I think I shot the moon twice which, you know, isn’t that uncommon for a player like me these days when I play against opponents on their level, but this was my first time, you know?
I don’t know how I was so good. I don’t know how I am so good for that matter. I don’t know if I was just born that way or if I picked it up from watching them play, but from that very first game, I knew I was something special. I--I don’t know how to explain it really--I just knew. Everyone around the table knew. From that first day, I knew I had to be a Hearts player. That’s all I could do. I wouldn’t be happy any other way.
_____
“So what do you do?” she asked. She ran her finger along the lip of her glass and glanced at the man sitting next to her as her eyes scanned the room looking for someone more interesting to talk to. Danny grinned. He leaned back a bit on his stool, resting his arm against the bar. He tried lifting only one of his eyebrows, but the other one raised involuntarily with it.
“I play Hearts,” said Danny.
Sandra suddenly looked at him right in the face. One side of Danny’s mouth curled upwards. He had her right where he wanted her.
“Hearts?” she asked, unimpressed. Danny just nodded. “Like the card game?” Danny put his finger in the air. Pauline backed away from it while Danny reached into his pocket. He pulled out a fresh deck of cards.
“Have you ever played?” he asked.
“No. I like Spider Solitaire myself.”
“Spider Solitaire,” Danny chuckled. “Not bad, not bad. I mean it’s a challenging game, I’ll give you that. But you’re just playing against yourself.” He started shuffling the cards with one hand. “It’s a whole different ballgame when you bring human psychology into the equation.”
“Card game.”
“Pardon?”
“A whole different card game, technically.”
Danny shrugged, unfazed. “Let me show you something.” He started dealing cards. Sandra grabbed her purse.
“You know what, I really have to go.”
“Intimidated?” His look apologized for his greatness. Sandra just looked at him.
“Nice to meet you.”
Danny laughed to himself confidently as she hurried out of the bar. She’ll be back, he thought. He didn’t know exactly what this meant, but he knew she’d be back.
_____
It wasn’t easy to be the best from the start. It was hard to find a good game. My aunt and uncle and grandfather didn’t like playing with me because whenever I sat down at the table, they already knew they were going to lose. Which was part of the problem because, you know, you can never ever let your opponent get in your head, because otherwise you’re over thinking and you start laying down points when you don’t need to and you end up taking them.
My uncles and my grandfather couldn’t stand to play with me after a while. They couldn’t win a hand and sometimes I felt bad for them, but I thought letting them win would just cheapen the whole thing and would be condescending, you know? Plus I think they’d have known just because--how else are they going to win? And I don’t want to sound cocky when I say that but that’s just how it was. That’s what they were thinking, I’m sure. But anyway, it would just be me and my aunt Marilyn. I’d be playing three hands at once and she couldn’t be my combined three-hand score with her single hand. I mean maybe I had an advantage knowing three fourths of the deck, but she would still reach one hundred before I broke twenty-five counting all three of my hands combined. She killed herself. Not because of that, she was a messed up woman. But I guess that couldn’t have helped.
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***serendipity3338 has joined the table
***gameyman2003 has joined the table
***whistlingpenguin has joined the table
***spiralkannberg has joined the table
spiralkannberg:all right, children clear out plz
spiralkannberg: there’s a professional at the talbe.
gameyman2003: lol
spiralkannberg: *table
whistlingpenguin: asl
spiralkannberg: something funny?
spiralkannberg: besides how badly i'm about to beat you?
whilstlingpenguin: 14/f/miss
spiralkannberg: don't know why you'd find that funny, are you a sadist?
serendipity3338: 44/f/ny
gameyman2003: i think you mean masochist
spiralkannberg: actually i think i meant "about to beat your ass in hearts."
gameyman2003: lol
gameyman2003: nice rating, spiral, lol, what do you play all day every day?
***ballbag96 has joined the table
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spiralkannberg: i’m a pro
spiralkannberg: i have to keep in top shape
spiralkannberg: practice makes perfect
spiralkannberg: there's a free lesson for you
gameyman2003: let's just play the game dumbass
spiralkannberg: are those the cards you’re passing serendipity?
spiralkannberg: this is gonna be even easier than i thought
***serendipity3338 has left the table
spiralkannberg: shame
gameyman2003: shut the fuck up i just want to play
spiralkannberg: can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen, gamey
whistlingpenguin: asl
whistlingpenguin: 14/f/miss
spiralkannberg: 27/m/YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE
***gameyman2003 has left the table
***whistlingpenguin has left the table
_____
Playing online is tough, because unfortunately when you have a public site like Yahoo, where I play most of the time, then you just get a lot of kids who don’t have anything to do on a Friday night and some sad old spinsters who should be in bed and of course the pervert who’s just looking to cyber with someone. But it’s something you have to do to stay on top of your game.
You can only play Hearts against the computer for so long. Computers can outsmart you most of the time--well not me at Hearts, but like at math they could--but they don’t have that extra human element. There’s no psychology in a computer. There’s none of that unpredictability. If you play Microsoft Hearts enough, you start to notice patterns. See, most of the time, if you have the Queen of Spades, you want to hold onto your spades so you have a nice little security cushion so you don’t have to let go of the ting too early and end up taking it. But Pauline doesn’t seem to know this. She’ll come out playing spades hard and you’ll think that Ben or Michele has the Queen so you get sloppy and play a high Spade in front of Pauline and Boing! There’s the Queen. Heading straight for your bucket. Thirteen points.
Here’s another little tip. Michele--the one across from you if you change the computer’s names--when she gets the Black Lady--that’s the Queen of Spades by the way--when she gets the Black Lady, she likes to clear out a whole suit so she can get rid of it quickly. So if she’s passing to you and she gives you low- to mid-range cards, stay away from that suit unless you’re sure you can undercut Ben and Pauline. Lay on the Spades heavy because she does it more often when she doesn’t have a lot of Spades in reserve. And if you have the Black Lady and you don’t feel confident with it, give it to Pauline. She doesn’t have the first idea what she’s doing with it. She might as well just add thirteen points to her score and get it over with.
But the point is these “people” were programmed. And they have their own little patterns and quirks that can keep you occupied for a while, but not forever. You start to notice patterns in their passing and the way they start and how they react when they start piling up the tricks. The Microsoft people have done an admirable job trying to program these things, but there’s only so far you can take them before you need to reintroduce the human element. The spontaneity. You can play the computer all day long, but you’ll never become a champion until you learn how to cope with the human element and make that a part of your game. And that’s why you need these public games.
_____
Danny put his hands on his head and stood up out of his chair. He paced around in circles a few times before returning to the table.
“All right,” he muttered. “I know what you three are doing and I’m sick of it.” Two of his opponents looked at each other confused. The third, Takahashi Ningyo, a brash middle-aged Japanese man, laughed. He knew Danny well.
“It’s always a conspiracy with you when you lose, isn’t it Danny?”
“Well I think it’s fairly obvious to anyone who’s watching closely what’s going on,” Danny shouted. “Every time I hold onto the Black Lady, you three play nothing but spades. When I pass it, it’s right there in the first trick I take. When I have a good hand to shoot the moon, you hand a heart to someone else within three hands. When I clear my hand of one suit I get three high cards of that suit right back into my hand. What gives guys?” His opponents just looked at him. Ningyo had a sly smile across his face. “Is someone going to be honest with me and tell me what’s the deal here?”
Ningyo just shook his head. “Poor Danny.” Danny looked at him, his fury giving way to a look of confusion and disbelief as he considered the possibility that he was actually being beaten. “Poor poor Danny.”
“Collect your trick please, Mr. Watkins,” the tournament director said. Danny looked at him for a moment before calmly taking his place in his chair. He looked at the table for a second and relived the hand. He had opened with a five of hearts. Lauren played a four of hearts, Olem played a Jack of clubs, and then Ningyo’s Black Lady. He moved the cards into the pile. He slammed down a ten of diamonds and ran his fingers through his hair, looking down at the table. He had kept score in his head and his seventeen points (so far) would put him over the edge. The game would be over after just a few more cards. Another championship had slipped away.
_____
***rcsandelman has joined the table
***masfoera has joined the table
***spiralkannberg has joined the table
spiralkannberg: i hope none of you were planning on winning tonight
***bluesky2003us has joined the table
masfoera: Danny??
masfoera: Danny Watkins, COrrect??
spiralkannberg: yeah thats right
masfoera: This is NINGYO!!!
spiralkannberg: how do yo uknow me?
spiralkannberg: oh
masfoera: Will this be a repeat of our Match last week??
masfoera: Danny???
bluesky2003us: gl all
***spiralkannberg has left the table
_____
It does bother me a bit that I’ve never won the big one. I try not to let it get to me, but it’s difficult. I know I belong up there on the pantheon of great Hearts players, but unfortunately in this world you’re not measure by your raw skill. You’re ultimately measured by how many championships you’ve brought home.
I honestly feel like I could beat any of the Hearts greats in history on any given day of the week. And I have beaten some of the best in the world. But it’s just when I get into that tournament room and when I get to that final table--well I don’t know what happens. If I knew, I’d fix it. But something happens. The good hands just never come my way.
I don’t think that it’s fair to judge my worth and skill as a Hearts player simply on championships. But that’s how the world works. And right now, in the eyes of those people who look at championships as the ultimate decider in these kinds of things, I’m--nothing. Just another one of those flashes in the pan who have a nice enough story and some skills, but ultimately don’t make a lasting mark. And I want to make a mark.
