I cannot think of a single practical use for a shrink ray

FACT:

Every year, the government pours billions of dollars into scientific research. A lot of this goes to worthwhile endeavors like medical research, alternative fuel systems and new military technology. But don't put it past our wasteful pork-loving government to squander your tax money on foolish and useless projects.

FACT:

One of the fields that receives the most government funding is in the area of shrink ray research. Every year, millions upon millions of dollars are allocated to various firms earmarked for the development of shrink rays.

FACT:

Over fifty shrink ray prototypes have been created to date and none of them have a single practical use. Only three out of fifty-plus prototypes enable the user to control the degree of shrinkage, and even then, the largest size available would render the average human to the size of an ant. Shrinking inanimate objects are also out of the question, as prototypes either cause objects to light on fire, come to life and attack anything within sight or, perhaps most shockingly, grow.

FACT:

The CIA has been testing conventional and weaponized shrink rays on people for the past fifteen years. The results have been shocking. Most disturbing of all, shrink rays are impossible to control, shrinking everything within the Shrink Radius. This has resulted in the floorboards beneath the subject shrinking, causing the section of the floor with the newly shrunken subject to plummet to the floor below, resulting in fatality in 90% of government tests.

FACT:

Once shrunken, there is no way to regain your size besides drinking a lot of milk and eating a lot of meat. And even then, no subject has been able to grow any larger than a goldfish.

FACT:

YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Write to your local representative and tell him/her that the danger and wastefulness of shrink rays is too great to ignore! Act today, before it's too late! Click here to find your local representative and send them a piece of your mind, as I did (click picture below to see a full-sized version).