Is that so/So bad

CHRISTIAN
How are you doing, Joe?

JOE
Eh.

CHRISTIAN
Yeah. Well I didn’t sleep well last night.

JOE
Is that so?

CHRISTIAN
Yeah. Yeah.

JOE
Sorry. I guess I just don’t care.

CHRISTIAN
What?

JOE
I don’t care how you slept, Christian. Well or otherwise.

CHRISTIAN
Well—I’m sorry. I won’t mention it again.

JOE
Thank you.

___________

CHRISTIAN
A new study shows that the literacy rates of college graduates are declining. We figured this was something we needed to research, so I took a camera and went out on the street to—

JOE
I’m going to murder you when you fall asleep, Christian.

CHRISTIAN
Jesus Christ, Joe, what did you say?

JOE
Oh. What? Nothing. Nothing.

CHRISTIAN
OK, well as I was saying—

JOE
That’s right, Christian. Nothing is afoot. Fall asleep in your little bed, confident that you’re safe and sound and that no one is watching, watching, waiting for just the perfect moment to strike and shatter your pretty little dreamland once and for all! No, Christian Lynch, you won’t live to see the morning. Not if I have anything to say about it! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

CHRISTIAN
Joe, what are you talking about?

JOE
Huh? Nothing. I didn’t say anything.

CHRISTIAN
Joe, I could hear you, you were making explicit threats against my life.

JOE
Nah.

CHRISTIAN
Yes, you were.

JOE
No thanks.

CHRISTIAN
Joe, you said you were going to kill me. Now are you going to do it when I’m sleeping like a coward?

CHRISTIAN pulls a revolver out of his desk.

CHRISTIAN
(con’t)
Or are we going to settle this like men?

JOE
What did you have in mind?

CHRISTIAN
Pistols at dawn. Ten paces.

JOE
Nah. Never mind. Forget I said anything.

CHRISTIAN
Are you sure?

JOE
Yes.

CHRISTIAN
All right. That’s much better. Well we’re short on time, so—

JOE
I am going to murder you so bad.

CHRISTIAN
Stop!