That squirrel is

As CHRISTIAN speaks, there is a strange chattering sound that can be distinctly heard.

CHRISTIAN
OK, we’re back. Now next up—wait, wait a minute. What is that sound? Does anyone else hear that?

JOE
(standing offstage, looking directly above him)
Looks like there’s a squirrel in the back of the studio.

CHRISTIAN
Squirrel in the studio? Can you take care of that?

JOE
No.

CHRISTIAN
Well—why not.

JOE
Squirrel’s not hurting anybody.

CHRISTIAN
Well you don’t have to kill it, just move it out of the studio. It’s kind of distracting, we’re shooting here.

JOE
Who’s to say you’re not distracting the squirrel?

CHRISTIAN
It’s a squirrel.

JOE
(no longer concerned with Christian)
He’s real cute. Look at him. Heh heh.

CHRISTIAN
Joe, you can move him outside—

JOE
(to the person operating the camera next to him)
Hey. Hey you. Get the squirrel on tape.

CUT TO

A (stuffed) squirrel capering about somewhere in the studio. JOE laughs throughout.

CHRISTIAN
(offscreen)
Joe, we have to—this is not the time to be taping a squirrel. Hey. Hey!

JOE
Little squirrel! So cute! Heh heh.

Suddenly, the squirrel notices people are looking at him. He goes behind a wall and reemerges holding a sign reading “ADAM AND EVE, NOT ADAM AND STEVE!”

CHRISTIAN
Ugh, Joe! That squirrel is a right-wing ideologue!

JOE
No he’s not. Look at him dance! Heh heh.

CHRISTIAN
Look at his sign! Get him out of here!

JOE
No.

CHRISTIAN
Come on, now, cut to commercial, we’ll be right back.