The Ballad of Uncle Torso

Well I had an uncle
Lived by the train tracks night and day
When people'd see him coming
They'd call to him and say

"Hey buddy, where you been to"
And my uncle('s name was Jack)
Would tell them "Cali-for-ni-a
But then I came right back."

O, Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
The trainyard's oldest friend.
O, Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
My Uncle to the end.

This Uncle'd had it real bad
Dirt poor and out of luck.
He couldn't keep a wife
And he couldn't earn a buck.

But he never let it get him down.
He lived a happy life.
He jogged and swam and wrestled
And he loved his hunting knife.

O, Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
The trainyard's oldest friend.
O, Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
My Uncle to the end.

One day my Uncle Jack got tired
And lay down for a nap.
And right then he was spotted
By a no-good dirty chap.

This hobo moved my Uncle,
Layed him out over the track.
My Uncle went on snoring
Cuz he was sleeping on his back.

O, Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
The trainyard's oldest friend.
O, Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
My Uncle to the end.

Well a train came chugging by,
My uncle started waking up.
But it was much to late, it got his legs.
Train really tore 'em up.

His legs went flying off you see,
Uncle Jack he went to screamin'.
That no good rotten scoundrel
Had spoiled Uncle's dreamin'.

O, Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
The trainyard's oldest friend.
O, Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
My Uncle to the end.

My Uncle he looked down and he could
Scarcely b'lieve his eyes.
So he tied his pants up real tight
To stop the bleeding from his thighs.

He hadn't any insurance
Or money to pay for help.
So he bit his tongue and closed his eyes
You wouldn'a heard a yelp.

From Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
The trainyard's oldest friend.
O, Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
My Uncle to the end.

My Uncle hadn't any legs
Just a wheelchair made of trash.
Cuz he couldn't get his legs all fixed
Cuz he hadn't had the cash.

That no good rotten scoundrel
Spied my Uncle and he said.
"Hey, look at that ol' Torso!"
So my Uncle stabbed him dead.

O, Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
The trainyard's oldest friend.
O, Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
My Uncle to the end.

From that day on, the name it stuck.
As he wheeled himself around.,
"Uncle Torso!" cried the trainyard men,
And my Uncle, well he found

That he gained the hobos' trust
And he became a kind of hero.
And those hobos, they would greet him
With this everlasting cheer. O!

Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
The trainyard's oldest friend.
O, Uncle!
Uncle Torso!
My Uncle to the end.