Googly glasses

All the voices in this sketch are off screen and there are no camera cuts. The only time we see anyone other than CHRISTIAN is when the PRODUCER attacks him.

CHRISTIAN
Well, we’re back.

CHRISTIAN grins; he has something in mind. He holds up a finger. He reaches into his desk and pulls out a pair of googly-eye glasses. He puts them on and silently laughs to himself. He sits there for a few seconds.

PRODUCER
(offstage)
Uh, Christian?

CHRISTIAN says nothing. He shakes his head back and forth, making the eyes move.

PRODUCER
Christian? Take the glasses off.

CHRISTIAN waves his hands and swivels his head.

AUDIENCE MEMBER
What is this?

CHRISTIAN bounces up and down.

PRODUCER
Christian, I’m serious. Take off the glasses.

AUDIENCE MEMBER
What’s going on?

CHRISTIAN continues playing with the glasses.

AUDIENCE MEMBER
Take off the glasses!

PRODUCER
Christian, enough is enough. Take off the glasses or your fired.

CHRISTIAN continues as if he hasn’t heard.

PRODUCER
Christian! The glasses! Take off the glasses right now or so help me God I will break them and I will snap your neck.

AUDIENCE
Take off the glasses! This is stupid. I hate those glasses, etc.

PRODUCER charges at CHRISTIAN, reaching for the glasses. CHRISTIAN defends them as a bear would her cub. He drops the PRODUCER with a left hook.

CHRISTIAN
These are my glasses! My glasses, you fuck! My glasses!

CHRISTIAN unzips and begins peeing on the PRODUCER. He pauses to catch his breath.

CHRISTIAN
(quietly)
We’ll be right back.