On LSU beating Duke (which I called from the very beginning, by the way)

GREG PAULUS: OK, OK, we're still in this game. We just need a quick basket that will pump everyone up. Here's the ball, wait! Look at that! I have an open lane to the basket! Holy shit, an open look, this is great, I'm going to have a wide open layuOHGODTYRUSTHOMAS

MEANWHILE...

TYRUS THOMAS: Look at Paulus, that lilywhite pantywaist. Oh no, he's seriously not going for a layup right now. Are you kidding me? Christ, this is going to be the easiest block I've ever had in my life BABOOM


No, Greg! Don't do it!

BOO HOO


GOD, I AM AWFUL, WHO GAVE ME A SCHOLARSHIP?

The Boston University Student Union's ongoing attempts to make people care about them

DEC 05: Student Union Secretary resigns for undisclosed reasons.
JAN 06: President John Marker nominates replacement. Replacement voted down. Nobody quite knows why.
JAN 06: Student Union alleges misuse of funds by Marker. Hearing held and Constitution clarified to make clear the chain of command for use of funds.
JAN 06: Marker's second nominee for replacement Secretary voted in. Nobody quite knows why. Secretary promises to "bring students together" and "make students care about their Student Union."
FEB 06: Vice President criticized for distributing recycling bags to South Campus, going above the heads of the Student Union's Recycling Committee.
MAR 06: Vice President Jonah Goldberg censured for aforementioned recycling issue as well as disregard for Student Union body and disrespect to others on the Union. Goldberg scoffs at the censure and suggests nothing will change. Daily Free Press editorial pushes for his impeachment, because that's the sort of thing the Daily Free Press does.
MAR 06*: Vice President Goldberg impeached. In a press conference following the impeachment, Goldberg draws a gun, urges onlookers to "Stay away, this thing will hurt someone," and takes his life on live television.
MAR 06*: Student Union treasurer pisses on Goldberg's grave. Marker hits him with a chair.
APR 06*: Union splits into opposing sects which vow to destroy each other at WWE's upcoming Survivor Series.
APR 06*: Student Union Secretary criticized for misuse of Union funds after he is caught banging a prostitute.
APR 06*: Daily Free Press cuts Marker down with a particularly witty Ampersand.
APR 06*: Student Union vows to change Guest Policy. University administration nods politely, then asks them to please leave.
MAY 06*: Marker joins the nWo.
MAY 06*: A mole infiltrates the Student Union and there's like a virus or something in the offices. They get out just in time somehow, but a bunch of them die.
MAY 06*: Giant volcano engulfs Boston. BU explodes. Student Union vows to examine Guest Policy.
MAY 06*: Student Union elections, featuring Marker, some Neo-Nazis, H. Grande, Sufia Khalid and many more are among the most heated in Student Union history. Like eight people vote and nobody knows or cares who wins.
SEPT 06*: Radically reformed Student Union vows to reexamine Guest Policy.

(* projected)