Burlington, CT: the USA's Worst Place (excluding LA, New Jersey and large desolate stretches of the midwest)

The latest issue of Hartford Magazine features a profile of my sleepy little hometown that really makes me realize what an awful place it is. I've never had a ton of town pride, but I always thought it was kind of nice for what it was: a scenic suburb in the middle of the woods. At the very least, I knew we were at least better than the likes of Harwinton and Bristol. But this article has really opened my eyes. Unfortunately, they didn't print the article online, so I'll provide a synopsis:

• Pretty much in an indescribable spot in the middle of nowhere, belonging to noplace (Litchfield Hills? no. Farmington River Valley? not really. Hartford County? barely.)
• Full of ignorant small-towners who make minor problems into major issues, mainly because there's nothing the fuck else to think about.
• Quaint small-town traditions (campaigning at the local dump, see others below) eradicated, replaced by gaudy banalities of every bland suburb like Dunkin' Donuts and CVS
  
• Village Foodmart: gone, Johnnycake Airport: gone, historic buildings: gone, waving man: dead

So there it is, folks. I strongly urge every Burlington resident to read a copy of this article if you want to see your hometown's ass nailed to the wall. I'm barely even exaggerating; it really is amazingly negative. We can't even look good in a puff piece in a puff magazine! Something is very wrong.

Search that led an Egyptian person here

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I now know what kind of people go to skittles.com and similar sites to enter the codes on the packaging hoping to win cash and other prizes

People trying to avoid their Huck Finn papers, that's who.

One more Marmaduke

(one of these days I'm going to go over everything I've ever posted on this site and see how many of them are inside jokes)

Oscar Mayer Watchables

(by the way, whatever happened to the pizza Lunchables? I would eat those every day if I could)

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