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Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Shrimp Products Hollywood Correspondent: Swimming with the Shark
NOTE: Fellow blogger Ben Simpson will be writing occasional Stardom Updates for our site, giving our reader an intern's eye view of the glamorous world of Hollywood celebrity! Ben Simpson is a student in the school of management at Boston University and is very large.
FLASH !
I saw Hollywood SuperHunk Joseph Gordon-Levitt !!! yawning outside a CostCo.
GLITZ !
Could have been Legendary Tunester Billy Joel !!!! walking on the sidewalk. I don't know. No one was talking to him and I think he lives on Long Island, so probably not.
CLICK !
Someone who looked like Hot Young Superstar On The Rise Giovanni Ribisi !?! but wasn't yelled at me for running into him on the street when I was trying to rush my boss's drycleaning back to work before he reamed my ass again.
FIZZLE !
Definitely saw SuperFunny Star Of Amanda Bynes Star Vehicle What a Girl Wants Colin Firth just staring into space in a Starbucks. It was definitely him.
TRANSYLVANIA !
Made about three hundred photocopies and faxed them out to The Producer Of Monkey Blockbuster Dunston Checks In !!!!!!!!!$#@MOTHERF!@@#!!!!! It took four hours. I missed my lunch break.
CHALLENGER EXPLOSION !
That's all for this week! Before to check in throughout the summer for more from the glamorous life of Ben "The Shark" Simpson!
JIHAD !
FLASH !
I saw Hollywood SuperHunk Joseph Gordon-Levitt !!! yawning outside a CostCo.
GLITZ !
Could have been Legendary Tunester Billy Joel !!!! walking on the sidewalk. I don't know. No one was talking to him and I think he lives on Long Island, so probably not.
CLICK !
Someone who looked like Hot Young Superstar On The Rise Giovanni Ribisi !?! but wasn't yelled at me for running into him on the street when I was trying to rush my boss's drycleaning back to work before he reamed my ass again.
FIZZLE !
Definitely saw SuperFunny Star Of Amanda Bynes Star Vehicle What a Girl Wants Colin Firth just staring into space in a Starbucks. It was definitely him.
TRANSYLVANIA !
Made about three hundred photocopies and faxed them out to The Producer Of Monkey Blockbuster Dunston Checks In !!!!!!!!!$#@MOTHERF!@@#!!!!! It took four hours. I missed my lunch break.
CHALLENGER EXPLOSION !
That's all for this week! Before to check in throughout the summer for more from the glamorous life of Ben "The Shark" Simpson!
JIHAD !
Chris tries to update his blog
6:31 Chris gets an amusing idea for a blog entry
6:32 Chris fetches his computer from his room and brings it downstairs
6:34 Chris plugs his computer in, but finds that his AC adapter isn't working
6:36 As the computer starts up, Chris tries to jiggle the AC adapter in the computer to make it work
6:38 The computer starts up
6:39 Chris continues trying to find a spot for the AC adapter's plug in the computer, turning it and reinserting it over and over again
6:41 Chris briefly considers the sexual imagery of his current task
6:42 Chris gives up and hopes there is enough power left in the battery for now
6:43 Chris stars up Mozilla Firefox
6:44 Mozilla Firefox freezes
6:44 Chris starts up Mozilla Firefox
6:44 Mozilla Firefox freezes
6:45 Chris starts up Mozilla Firefox
6:45 Mozilla Firefox freezes
6:46 Chris starts up Mozilla Firefox
6:47 Chris finds the Internet is not working
6:48 Chris runs downstairs into the living room
6:48 Chris unplugs the wireless router, turns off the DSL modem and unplugs it, waits three seconds then plug everything back in and turns it back on
6:49 Chris runs back upstairs and finds his computer on critical battery power
6:50 Chris resumes trying to make his AC adapter work
6:52 Internet finally begins to work
6:53 Chris, in trying to make his AC adapter work, unplugs too fast and the computer hibernates
6:56 Computer enters hibernation mode
6:56 Chris presses the power button and the computer starts up again
6:58 Chris finds the Internet connection has been lost
6:58 Chris curses
6:59 Chris runs downstairs into the living room
7:00 Chris unplugs the wireless router, turns off the DSL modem and unplugs it, waits three seconds then plug everything back in and turns it back on
7:01 Chris returns upstairs and waits for the Internet to start working
7:04 The Internet starts working
7:05 Chris connects to Blogger
7:06 Chris realizes he has forgotten his amusing idea, realizes it probably wasn't that good anyway
7:07 Since the Internet is working, Chris decides to take this rare opportunity to publish something
7:08 Chris looks through his notebook, finds the latest entry, reading "Nazis VS La-zis"
7:10 Chris thinks of another amusing idea, begins typing
7:11 Chris declares his new idea "meta," briefly considers suicide
7:12 Chris finishes and clicks "Publish Post" button
7:13 Internet stops working
7:14 Chris tries again
6:32 Chris fetches his computer from his room and brings it downstairs
6:34 Chris plugs his computer in, but finds that his AC adapter isn't working
6:36 As the computer starts up, Chris tries to jiggle the AC adapter in the computer to make it work
6:38 The computer starts up
6:39 Chris continues trying to find a spot for the AC adapter's plug in the computer, turning it and reinserting it over and over again
6:41 Chris briefly considers the sexual imagery of his current task
6:42 Chris gives up and hopes there is enough power left in the battery for now
6:43 Chris stars up Mozilla Firefox
6:44 Mozilla Firefox freezes
6:44 Chris starts up Mozilla Firefox
6:44 Mozilla Firefox freezes
6:45 Chris starts up Mozilla Firefox
6:45 Mozilla Firefox freezes
6:46 Chris starts up Mozilla Firefox
6:47 Chris finds the Internet is not working
6:48 Chris runs downstairs into the living room
6:48 Chris unplugs the wireless router, turns off the DSL modem and unplugs it, waits three seconds then plug everything back in and turns it back on
6:49 Chris runs back upstairs and finds his computer on critical battery power
6:50 Chris resumes trying to make his AC adapter work
6:52 Internet finally begins to work
6:53 Chris, in trying to make his AC adapter work, unplugs too fast and the computer hibernates
6:56 Computer enters hibernation mode
6:56 Chris presses the power button and the computer starts up again
6:58 Chris finds the Internet connection has been lost
6:58 Chris curses
6:59 Chris runs downstairs into the living room
7:00 Chris unplugs the wireless router, turns off the DSL modem and unplugs it, waits three seconds then plug everything back in and turns it back on
7:01 Chris returns upstairs and waits for the Internet to start working
7:04 The Internet starts working
7:05 Chris connects to Blogger
7:06 Chris realizes he has forgotten his amusing idea, realizes it probably wasn't that good anyway
7:07 Since the Internet is working, Chris decides to take this rare opportunity to publish something
7:08 Chris looks through his notebook, finds the latest entry, reading "Nazis VS La-zis"
7:10 Chris thinks of another amusing idea, begins typing
7:11 Chris declares his new idea "meta," briefly considers suicide
7:12 Chris finishes and clicks "Publish Post" button
7:13 Internet stops working
7:14 Chris tries again
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