Charity Auction, 2

AUCTIONEER: Welcome to tonight's auction. Tonight, we have a special guest auctioneer. Please welcome, Local Celebrity!

[Polite applause.]

LOCAL CELEBRITY: Yes, yes I am.
AUCTIONEER: So, I understand you just got back from sailing around the world. How was it?
LOCAL CELEBRITY [overcome by melancholy]: Lonely.

[The audience shifts in their chairs.]

LOCAL CELEBRITY: What is that creaking?
AUCTIONEER: Let's begin with our first item, this beautiful Unit of Time.

[AUCTIONEER holds up a Unit of Time. The audience mutters.]

LOCAL CELEBRITY: What is that noise? This is not the kind of behavior I expected when I signed up to auction off goods and services in exchange for money.
AUCTIONEER: OK--
LOCAL CELEBRITY: Everyone must be silent!

[Silence.]

LOCAL CELEBRITY: BBBAAAHH!

[LOCAL CELEBRITY holds up a cage of ravens and unleashes them on the audience. Silence.]

AUCTIONEER: Our second item is this cage of beautiful ravens. The bidding starts at ten Units of Currency.

[RAVEN 1 pecks MAN 1.]

MAN 1: Gah!
AUCTIONEER: Ten, do I hear fifteen?

[RAVEN 2 pecks MAN 2.]

MAN 2: Whoa!
AUCTIONEER: Fifteen, do I hear twenty?

[RAVEN 3 pecks WOMAN 1.]

WOMAN: Boof!
AUCTIONEER: Sold, for twenty Units of Currency to that woman there!

[WOMAN 1 has been pecked to death. LOCAL CELEBRITY flies away on a broom.]