We're Having Fun, 1

Lake Compounce Softball League Championship Game. Wildcat/South Team vs. Skycoaster/Entertainment.

On the bench, at the top of the third inning.

MATT
I hate these people. I’ve never hated people so much in my life.

CHRIS
All right, let’s just everyone calm down. We’re supposed to be having fun.

MARK
Scotty, you’re killing us out there at second base.

SCOTT
You told me to play there.

MARK
I thought you could field the ball! Do you know how to play baseball?

CHRIS
Softball. Lake Compounce league softball.

NICOLE
All right, take it easy on Scotty. Just stick him in the outfield.

CHRIS
We already have five outfielders. And besides, who’s going to play second base?

ENTERTAINER
I could play second.

MARK, MATT, NICOLE
No.

MATT
You’re doing fine as catcher.

ENTERTAINER
But I don’t do anything.

NICOLE
You do plenty. You catch every pitch!

ENTERTAINER
Not the ones that are hit. And I drop most of the other ones.

MARK
Exactly. And it doesn’t matter when you drop those, but when you’re like fragile little Scotty over here, dropping everything in the infield, then we have problems.

ENTERTAINER
Dana could do it.

MATT
Which one’s Dana?

ENTERTAINER
The blond. The shorter blond.

MARK, behind ENTERTAINER, mimes “big rack.”

MATT
Oh, right right right, Dana. Where is she?

NICOLE
I think she’s still in the outfield.

DANA is in the outfield, singing to herself.

MARK
All right, Scotty, after this inning, run out into the outfield and tell Dana you’re switching positions.

ENTERTAINER
Shouldn't we get her now? She might have to hit this inning.

MATT
Not if I have anything to say about it.