Like it?

Like it?

Oh, it's nice. I don't know.

Very nice. Very. You know I used to drive one of these.

Oh yeah?

Eventually had to trade it in because we were just selling so many of them, because it's such a good car, that I couldn't in good conscience own one and tell people "oh, I'm sorry, we don't have any more of these cars."

Isn't this model mass-produced?

Oh, absolutely. By the finest car-making robots money can buy.

Hmm.

So here's the key, I'll just need a few thou, for a down payment.

Whoa, I'm not ready to buy just yet.

What the hell are you waiting for, man? Are you kidding me?

Well I need to compare it to other models, take a test drive.

Oh, Jesus. Oh Jesus no.

I'm not just going to buy a car.

You have to! That's what I'm telling you! Do you understand how auto sales work?

I think I do.

This car will be gone in half a second. If you don't buy this car from me right now and you let me walk away, then I guarantee it will not take even fifteen seconds for someone else to come up to me, begging to buy this car.

I find that hard to believe.

See him over there?

That baby in that baby carriage?

He was just talking to me about buying a car exactly like this. I've been trying to hold him away from this one for your sake, because if you let me walk away right now, he's going to take it immediately.

No baby is buying a car.

You don't know very much about automotive sales, do you?

I know babies can't drive cars.

Let me let you in on a little secret of the biz. Buyers, they're getting younger and younger, and the market is getting more and more aggressive. Especially here, which is really driving country.

What?

I mean, maybe out in Iowa, where no one drives, you can stroll into a dealership and pick up this car any day of the week. But not here, not in driving country.

Well I have to consult with my wife, first.

Your wife! I guarantee you, by the time you get home and talk to your wife about this car, it's gone. Right off the market.

It hasn't been sold yet. How long has it been sitting here?

Buddy, we just got this on the market. Your timing was perfect, really, I got the call, said "we've got a new car for you to sell," and in you walked.

But this car was sitting here yesterday.

Different car.

All right, look. I'm--

I mean, do you like this car?

Well yes, I do. I like it a lot.

So what's the holdup? You like the car, you want to drive the car, you buy the car. Bing bang boom.

I have to talk to my wife first.

Who's going to be driving this car?

Both of us.

Listen, I know wives. I've had a few of them myself. They're going to care about one thing and one thing only: safety and price.

I--

Please! Let me finish! Now this car is the safest of its kind in the universe. That's a fact, OK? And the price is incomparable.

It's a little more expensive than the Corolla, I was wondering--

The Corolla! Jeez!

What? They seem comparable.

Listen, the Corolla is a deathtrap. You'd be safer driving a mine cart around.

A what?

You know, one of those mining carts. Have you played Donkey Kong Country?

Let me just call my wife and see--

Sure, call your wife! You tell her about the price, you tell her about the safety record, you tell her about the luscious chassis and supple seats and virile engine, she's gonna tell you to buy it.

Honey? Yeah, I found a good car, I think.

Good car? You tell her it's a great car.

A little more, but it's supposed to be safer, I think.

You think, he says. Once in a lifetime deal!

OK.

Great, let's go back into my office, sign the paperwork, you can drive home in it.

Well she wants to see it first.

See it? What's to see?

How it drives.

How it drives, she says, jeezalou. How long will it take her to get here?

I don't know. Ten minutes.

TEN MINUTES? Let me tell you, if she's not here in five, the only thing she's going to be seeing is the empty spot where this car was standing.

Look, I'm just going to go, and if it's still here tomorrow, maybe I'll buy it.

It won't be! It won't be!

Good luck.

[Salesman goes back into his office and hangs himself.]