Make Greg's banana bread like Chris makes it

Greg's banana bread recipe.

Ingredients

Wet:

2 eggs
1/2 cup low fat vanilla yogurt
4 really ripe (like whoa brown) bananas
3/4 c of extra virgin olive oil

Dry:

1/4 c (or less) light brown sugar
2 cups of whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon of baking soda
1 teaspoon of baking powder
pinch of salt
walnuts, nutmeg, orange peel, whatever else…

(As with any batter, the measurements here are approximate. If your batter looks thin, add some more flour. Too thick, add some more liquid.)

Procedure

Mix the wet ingredients together in one bowl, mix the dry together in another, add dry into wet. Stir to incorporate, pour into greased, (I prefer non-stick) pan, bake at 375 for 40-50 minutes or until a toothpick stuck into the middle comes out dry (aka not covered in uncooked batter).

Now, make it like Chris makes it!

1) Go to the market because you the only ingredient you have for this recipe is the eggs, and those have an expiration date of Dec. 31, 2007.

2) Realize you forgot to bring the recipe so you have no idea what to buy. Consider walking out, but decide to buy three bananas and a stale bagel so it looks like you came here for something and you don't feel stupid.

3) Remember that Greg said to buy brown bananas. Realize no market sells brown bananas and that sounds kind of gross anyway, so just buy three yellow bananas.

4) Wait until the next day to go buy the rest of the ingredients because someone might recognize you if you go back in tonight and then you'll feel like a real jackass.

5) Wake up the next morning, copy down the recipe and go to a different market that's completely out of your way so no one recognizes you from the night before and wonders why you're in the market two days in a row and makes you feel like a real jackass.

6) Realize you bought three bananas and the recipe calls for four. Consider how much of a jackass you'll feel like buying one banana. Buy four new bananas.

7) Get the rest of the ingredients except for the eggs. Decide that if the Dec. 31 eggs look or smell really bad, you'll run out to a third market real quick and buy some there, but no use buying eggs if you've got some perfectly good ones at home, even if they are nearly two months past their expiration date.

8) Grumble because the recipe calls for a tiny amount of brown sugar and they only sell brown sugar at this particular market anyway in huge, bulging bags. Curse under your breath at Greg for making you buy this huge amount of sugar for this dumb banana bread and curse under your breath at the Sugar Industry for not packaging their sugar in smaller increments.

9) Wander around the market for like an hour trying to track down everything. Walk down the same cereal aisle like twelve times in the process. Consider asking someone for help, but never do it.

10) Consider Greg's suggestion to include "walnuts, nutmeg, orange peels, whatever else..." Wonder if this is a joke. Wonder if orange peels are even edible, and briefly consider what you'd have to go through to make sure they were not a potential choking hazard--chopping them all up and whatnot. Forget the walnuts, nutmeg and orange peels, as if that was even a consideration in the first place.

11) Pick up some Dr. Pepper to treat yourself, then talk yourself into putting it back because you can't afford it and regret not getting a degree in finance so you could have some goddamn Dr. Pepper once in a while instead of that 99-cent Dr. Brown's cherry soda crap.

12) Buy everything. Be amazed at how high the bill is. Immediately regret buying four bananas instead of just the one you need and all that fucking brown sugar.

13) Get ingredients home. Decide that you are worn out and that you will make the banana bread tomorrow.

14) Wake up to see the three original bananas are now brown. But that is disgusting, and you've got four new yellow bananas and fuck this recipe anyway, so you throw the gross brown bananas away. Curse yourself for letting food go to waste and try not to remember how much you spent on those three yellow bananas.

15) See the massive bag of brown sugar sitting on your counter because you were too lazy to put it away. Grumble.

16) Mix the wet and dry ingredients into the same bowl because you own only one big bowl and they're all going into the same pan anyway, so fuck it.

17) The eggs smell pretty bad. But you're not about to go to another fucking market. Split the difference and add only one egg, but save the rest later for pancakes or something, because why waste a few perfectly good eggs.

18) Add an extra 1/4 cup of brown sugar, because what the fuck, you've got all the brown sugar anyway and what the hell else are you gonna do with it.

19) Just notice now that it says cook for 40-50 minutes. Curse. Realize you have to be at work at 12, put saran wrap over the gross banana mix and go to work.

20) Come home exhausted. Debate whether or not to put off the banana bread for another day.

21) Smell the banana bread mixture you've got so far. Pretty rancid.

22) Decide to just get this fucking thing over with and pour your mixture into a pan. Add more brown sugar for good measure.

23) Cook for 40-50 minutes. Realize your crappy little oven is so tiny that it's not even half done.

24) Fall asleep in your chair with MSNBC on. Wake up and worry that you've burned the bread; quickly realize that your fucking tiny oven is so awful you could have gone into a coma and the bread wouldn't be ready for a decade.

25) Finally, it's done. Take it out.

26)

27) Except it doesn't look like that at all.

28) Eat one piece. Gag. Wish you could throw it away but come to the sad realization of how much food and money would be wasted.

29) Try to eat a second piece. Fail. Decide to eat the rest of it tomorrow.