Chris introduces a new idiom (please start using this around your trendsetting friends)

"Sack of potatoes."

I have not decided what exactly this idiom should mean. I have come up with a couple of options.

1) In place of "cup of tea."

When expressing that something is or isn't up one's alley, it is common to say something like "that's not my cup of tea." This is stupid. Americans don't drink tea; we drink coffee and energy drinks. The phrase is outdated. However, Americans do eat potatoes--sack upon sack of them! So next time, try this.

"I've got some heroin, want to shoot up until there's pus coming out of our ears?"
"No thanks, heroin's not really my sack of potatoes."

2) In place of "bag of tricks."

When expressing that you are digging deep to come up with something impressive, it is common to say something like "let me see what I can pull out of my bag of tricks." This is dumb. Tricks are abstract and do not have substance; therefore, they cannot be kept in a bag. Having a bag of tricks is quite impossible. Sacks of potatoes are quite real, and the phrase is quite vivid. You might be hiding something neat or unexpected out of a sack of ordinary potatoes, or you might just be pulling out a potato, which are pretty great too. Next time, try something like this.

"This baby is cranky. Amuse it somehow."
"Let me see what I've got in my sack of potatoes."

3) In place of "hot potato."

When describing something unpleasant or physically painful that one wants to get rid of quickly, one often expresses a desire to drop it "like a hot potato." This is borderline retarded. In this day of technology, no one handles a hot potato with their bare hands; they use tongs, or carry it in a pot. In addition, once the potato is on a person's plate, a "hot" potato is quite desirable (consider the alternative--digging into a cold potato! QUITE UNPLEASANT I THINK YOU'LL AGREE!). Therefore, hot potatoes are actually desirable; people dislike cold potatoes and are indifferent towards lukewarm ones. No one wants to hold a sack of potatoes for too long because it is very heavy and hurts one's hands. Also, this option has the added benefit of pushing the most common use of the phrase "sack of potatoes" (dropped like a sack of potatoes) from fringe descriptor to full-fledged idiom. This is like two for the price of one. So next time, try something like this.

"My friend is in love with the person with whom I am having intimate relations, despite the fact that he or she (the person with whom I am having relations) is quite unattractive."
"If I were you, I would drop him or her like a sack of hot potatoes."

4) In place of "motherfucker."

When angry at someone, one often calls him or her a "motherfucker." This is vulgar and brings up a number of uncomfortable Freudian under- and overtones. Next time, try something like this.

"I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT."
"BRING IT ON YOU PIECE OF SHIT I'M GOING TO STAB YOU AND SPILL YOUR GUTS ALL OVER THE PAVEMENT YOU SACK OF POTATOES."