AUCTIONEER: Thank you for coming to our charity auction tonight.
AUCTIONEER looks out into the audience and sees that it is made up entirely of crows.
AUCTIONEER: Our first item up for auction are these fine Italian strawberries, flown in directly from Spain!
AUCTIONEER holds up a dripping bucket of strawberries. All the crows simultaneously spread their wings.
AUCTIONEER: Going twice, sold! To all those crows!
AUCTIONEER nervously shoves the strawberries down his throat as quickly as possible.
AUCTIONEER: Is anybody out there?
CROW 1: Caw!
AUCTIONEER: Our next item up for auction is the very podium behind which I am standing!
AUCTIONEER does not realize he is not standing behind a podium. He loosens his belt and lets his pants fall around his ankles. MAN 1 bursts into the room.
MAN 1: If we don't get a podium out here NOW, we're all doomed!
AUCTIONEER: I'm afraid you'll have to bid like everyone else. See?
AUCTIONEER picks up a table and hurls it into the audience. The crows scatter.
AUCTIONEER: Our next item up for auction is this crow food!
AUCTIONEER chops off his hand with a battle axe. MAN 1 dies of a pulmonary embolism.
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