Sexy walrus at SeaWorld

The sexy walrus was a big hit. It was a bigger hit than anyone at SeaWorld could have imagined. They hadn't anticipated the crowds and it took them a while to put together the infrastructure they needed to keep up with the crush of people who wanted to see the sexy walrus. They had to open extra hours--20 hours a day, and 22 on weekends--to make sure that everyone got a chance to see one of the sexy walrus's shows, or at least got a chance to see the sexy walrus cavorting around its realistic ice habitat. They had to borrow extra queue lines from Disney, which had been emptied out anyway, because everyone wanted to see the sexy walrus. They had no trouble hiring the extra security guards and ticket takers and vendors they needed, because they were inundated with applications from people who wanted to spend as much time with the sexy walrus as possible.

"I don't know what it is," said a father of three who had brought his entire family to see the sexy walrus. "I just can't get her out of my mind. She's all I can think about. I literally cannot sleep at night because I am thinking about this walrus."

"She's something special all right," said a woman in her 60s, widowed. She'd been coming to see the sexy walrus every day since she stumbled upon the exhibit when it first opened. The old woman tried to put into words what it was that was so special about that sexy walrus, and all she could do was shake her head.

Quiet! The sexy walrus is coming out now!

The stage is shrouded in a red velvet curtain. The lights go out and spin around the curtain and a hush comes over the packed outdoor auditorium. A sexy tenor saxophone lick shakes the speakers. The curtains part and the sexy walrus sits in the middle of the stage in a skimpy red cocktail dress and lipstick. And nothing else.

At first, the crowd is silent. It is as if they sense they are experiencing a truly extraordinary moment and they don't want anything to ruin it. Even inhaling too sharply might shatter the Moment. They can all feel it. Then someone shifts in his chair, a flashbulb goes off, and the crowd breaks into pandemonium. Screaming, hollering, fainting, tearing at their hair and eyes. The sexy saxophone lick is still coming from the speakers (backed up by a small jazz ensemble--just drums, bass and a few understated horns). The walrus sways; the crowd reacts. It is the Rapture. When the man in the control booth decides the chaos has reached a certain lever, he throws a switch, which closes the curtain and cuts the spotlights and turns on the houselights and people file out of the auditorium quietly, as if they were filing out of church.

Here is what the sexy walrus looks like:



***

One time, someone threw a fish onto the stage in the middle of a show. The sexy walrus slithered over to it and picked it up with its big front flippers and began eating it. Its dress started to slide down until the whole right strap fell over its shoulder. Soon, the sexy warlus's right breast was exposed. A man in the audience shot himself, saying as he did it that he would never see something so beautiful again as long as he lived.