True facts about Christmas

Watering the Christmas tree is nothing more than an old Christmas tradition. In fact, trees can't "drink" water because they have no roots. Parents simply pretend to water the tree, in the hope of distracting children from the fact that there is a dead plant plucked from serene forest life in its prime. Watering the tree is like leaving cookies and milk out for Santa--parents come down in the middle of the night and slurp the water out of the tree stand. Then, in the morning, the kids come down, and parents show them the stand, and say, "look! The tree is drinking! We'd better give it some more water!" In the meantime, Dad is holding his gut, bloated with water-weight, pine needles lodged in his beard.