The incredible aging process!

Now, let it be noted, I don't do this because I want to. I do it because I feel I have an obligation to you.

AMATEUR GENETICISTS TAKE NOTE. Observe the subject age nearly 25 years in 15 minutes! He transforms from "Sexually Confused 15-Year-Old..."



...to "Sad 49-Year-Old Whose Life Has Passed Him By."



ANSWERS TO FREQUENTLY ASKED HAIRCUT QUESTIONS:
1. Yes, this was intentional, sort of.
2. No, I'm not all that happy with it.
3. No, I am never all that happy.
4. No, I do not sit around taking vanity pictures of myself on my webcam, as it might appear from the first picture. I took that picture last week (rather than doing the before shot today, a few hours before the actual cut) because it was looking better than it had in, like, years, and I needed to record it for posterity's sake. The above, unfortunately, was an exception. Had it been the norm, we never would have been here right now.
4a. Yes, "Sexually-Confused 15-Year-Old" is what I've been going for all these years. Could you not tell?
5. It all happened so fast...
6. I learned from past mistakes...no more ten dollar haircuts. This one cost $15.
7. Yes, whatever remains of my "bangs" look real stupid. I just don't want to fuck with them because I don't know how far back they go.
8. When the cut was over and I stood up, I almost stepped right on a cat-sized clump of my own hair. And that was only, like, 20% of it. It was horrifying.
9. Ech.
10. The woman who cut my hair was nice, but she smelled awful.
11. I keep catching glimpses of myself in windows, my computer screen, the microwave, whatever, and going, "aah," literally out loud.
12. Yes, I do expect an avalanche of Connecticut teenagers to shave off their shaggy haircuts in the coming weeks and months. In much the same way I made the world safe for shaggy hair again back in high school (no seriously though, I did), I'm now making the world safe for child-molestery chop jobs.
13. Yes, I've set a high bar for myself with haircut posts, and though I do look quite stupid right now, this recap falls short. So go ahead, you have my permission, laugh at me all over again.