No more hot dogs in schools

I don't want to see any more hot dogs in schools no more.  I don't want to see any more kids holding a greasy hot dog in their greasy little fingers.  I don't want to see them in buns.  I don't want to see little kids squirting ketchup on them.  You know what that is?  It's disgusting, that's what.  Kids shouldn't be being exposed to that, at young ages.  It's perverse!

You know what they call hot dogs?  People call them this, not just the kids.  They call them wieners.  And you know why, it's because of the shape.  Not to mention the color of the things.  And this is a food we're serving to kids in school?  Uh uh.  NO WAY.  I don't like it.  Not one little bit, mister.  And that's why I'm running for Congress.

Because the thing is, you give a kid a hot dog now, and it puts things in his mind.  One day he's eating a hot dog with his friends in the cafeteria, the teachers aren't stopping him -- he thinks there's no problem with that.  He's gotta learn that hot dogs -- they're a disgusting food.  Or else, next thing you know, he's showing his wiener to women on the street!  And I'm not talking about his hot dog now.  I'm talking about -- his pants hot dog.  We've gotta make some laws against this, is what I'm saying.

And it would be one thing if they just ate the hot dogs with a fork and a knife like NORMAL PEOPLE.  If you give the kids their hot dogs and you give them the fork and the knife -- ok, fine.  But they never eat them like that, do they?  You know I'm telling the truth.  They're always taking them out of the bun and waving them around.  Like it's a toy!  It's disgusting!  Putting them between their lips and waggling them around.  It's perverse, and we've gotta make some laws.  I was in a school last week and I saw this kind of behavior -- it made me sick to my weak heart.  I could have died.  It's a liability issue with these schools, because I'm not gonna sue anybody, but you know what?  Someday, somebody's going to die of shock seeing the way these kids play with these hot dogs and they're going to sue the school for it.  And where's your Congressman gonna be?  That's the question you've gotta ask yourself.

You know what my grandson says to me the other day?  He says I should sit on my bee.  I'm sorry, I don't even want to say it.  My backside, let's put it that way.  Where do you think he got that kind of talk from?  Eating hot dogs, no doubt about it.

No more school hot dogs.  That's my promise.  I'm gonna go to every one of those schools and knock the hot dogs out of their hands.  You know my opponent's platform.  He hasn't mentioned a thing about hot dogs.  I guess he'd just keep them the same.  It's a fair position.  A lot of people I've met on the campaign trail agree with it.  I won't knock him for it.  This election is a clear choice then -- you want kids waving their hot dogs around in their fat little greasy fingers, like some kind of wiener, then vote for the other guy.  If this is the issue I go down on, then I'm fine with that.  I can live with that.  I'll be proud of running the kind of campaign I wanted to run.  Which camera am I looking into?  That one.  Thank you.  Good night.