Monday, July 01, 2013


I was talking this morning to a child.  A child at this very school.  We were talking about the issues of government and he agreed with me that the teachers unions are just too powerful.  We need to do something about them, he said.  I believe he was eight years old.  He was definitely real.  I can assure you, this was a real child.  Definitely, definitely definitely.  His name was Sergio.

Sergio?  Oh man, no one's going to believe that.  I should have said his name was Jayden, probably half these little idiots are named Jayden.

Yes, it was Sergio.  "The teachers, they are-ah too-ah powerful," he told me, in his broken English.  "We must do some-ting to make sure they can-ah be fired, eeh?"  I told him I agreed, and I would do anything I could to fulfill that promise to him.  I will never forget little Sergio.


Little Sergio died in a car explosion just moments after I spoke to him.  It was a tragedy, and that's why you will never find him.  He's not in the school right now and I deleted him from the school office registry, in my grief.  But I will never forget his wise words about teachers unions, and their corruption.

Me hungry.  Me want hamburger.  Me want woman.

I was speaking this morning to a giant dickless earthworm.  He was telling me that the powerful teachers union caved in his worm-hole and had sown the soil with salt so that he itched all the time.  Why would you do this to a poor worm, one born with the additional hardship of not having a dick?  And he said he'd never eaten a hamburger before, because no teacher had ever fed him one.  I set to work grinding up a nearby cow for him, but the grinding machinery became stuck.  I tried to soothe the worm, but it began to cry.  "I have no home, no home to call my own, no dick to fondle," he cried.  "Where will I go?  To where shall I return?"  This universe truly has no answers for him.  He wriggled off, towards death.

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