The government monopoly will crush my small business

I have a rather modest dream. It’s nothing huge. A lot of people would probably roll their eyes, even laugh at it. But it’s my dream and it’s motivated me my whole life. I just want to be a small business owner after I graduate. Find some nice property and set up shop. I don’t like to think about it, but realistically, my small business has no chance against the government monopoly.

I just want to start a Department of Motor Vehicles. Find a nice place with some parking lots and traffic lights nearby (for the driving tests), find a small bland of loyal, hard working partners and get my business out there. “Service with a smile,” that’ll be our motto. We’ll dispose of long lines and surly employees with quick, efficient workers who truly enjoy working for Sartinsky’s Department of Motor Vehicles.

Sure, it would be great. A dream come true. But these days it’s hard for me to imagine this happening when I consider the stranglehold the government has on the Department of Motor Vehicles industry. It is unbelievable that these kind of anti-small business measures are being put in place by the very government who pledges to protect us with antitrust laws. What happened to the entrepreneurial spirit?

Why should there be only one place for people to get their licenses renewed or plates replaced? With only the government assigned to these important tasks, they are free to set whatever price and treat the customer in any way they decide is best for them. I say you deserve better! If the government hopes to compete with the friendly service of Sartinsky’s DMV, they had better get their act together and fast. Fail a driver’s test? We’ll give you another try any time you want! No appointments needed! Want an obscenity for your vanity plates? For a small “vulgarity surcharge,” we’ll give you that innuendo the bigwigs in Washington decided you weren’t good enough for.

You know what else we’re going to have? Clowns. Yup. Three of them.

I just want to provide the customer with a premium service. Maybe we’ll charge a little more than the government. I’m going to try to keep prices as low as possible. I’ll sleep in the back room if I have to. But when you have pockets as deep as the government’s, you can slash your prices to stomp on any entrepreneurs who move in on your territory. That’s to be expected.

But I promise that if our prices are a little higher than the government’s DMV, I’ll make sure it’s worth the extra cost to you. You know about the service with a smile and you know about the clowns. But I’ll do whatever I have to do to make sure your experience at Sartinsky’s Independent Department of Motor Vehicles is the best Department of Motor Vehicle experience you’ll ever have. Think the prices are too steep? Tell us. I’ll buy your lunch! I’ll wash your car! I’ll drive you around for a week! Whatever it takes to make sure you recommend us to your friends.

You know what else I’m going to have? A waterslide. It’ll be sick.

I know what you’re thinking. “Sure, you make a lot of nice promises, but how can you really top the big guys? How do you have the resources to compete?” Well you know what? You’re right. I don’t have the resources to compete with Big Government. But I do have one thing the big guys don’t. Passion. The passion for providing top notch Department of Motor Vehicles Service. I want to renew your license. I want to settle your parking tickets. I want to give you your driving test. And you know what? If you do something wrong, my driving instructors and I won’t make you feel bad. Even if you fail! We’ll give you a pat on the back, an encouraging word, and even some helpful pointers. Anything to make you, our valued customer, happy. I have to go the extra mile to make sure I keep the customers satisfied so you keep coming back. And I’ll enjoy it! I’ll work all day, seven days a week! That’s how much I want to be the person who provides you with all your Department of Motor Vehicles services.

That and mini golf. Yeah that’s right. Mini golf. Beat that, government.