The cold war escalates

To bother someone living down the hall, large Irish Boston resident (and Kerry supporter) Chris taped a picture of a smiling George and Laura Bush to his door. This bothered his roomate, Russian peeping tom Igor, who dislikes Bush as much as, well, Chris does, actually. This incited a fight about posting things on doors.

IGOR: Take that shit down or I'll take it down!
CHRIS: It's my door too!
IGOR: I know but I don't want that shit on my door!
CHRIS: It's both of our door, you can have the top of the door!

So the next day, Igor responded by putting Yankees signs on their door. Chris is a lifelong Red Sox fan. Unfortunately for Igor, as a Russian, his grammar is far from perfect. As a result, taunting signs such as "26 against 5, in 86 years it will against 6!" lost some of their rhetorical punch. Chris came home on Thursday seeing these signs on the door and immediately ripped them down. Chaos ensued.

This caused a shouting match that lasted for about half an hour. Five minutes were recorded on audio and about eleven minutes were caught on video. The video is huge right now, so we're going to try and compress it so we can pass it around and offer it up online. But here are some of the highlights.

IGOR: You're drinking your own grave!
CHRIS: I'm drigging my grave? Make fucking sense!

CHRIS: You need to learn to compromise!
IGOR: You need to learn to compromise!
CHRIS: You just keep repeating everything I say! Say something else!
IGOR: ...Exactly.

IGOR: No, I don't want anything in the door because I'm tired of arguing like four year olds.
CHRIS: Dude, I just called you a four year old ten minutes ago.
IGOR: You called me a two year old.

IGOR: What is wrong with you, do you think you're better than people?
CHRIS: I think I'm better than you.
IGOR: Well, whoopdie doo, great one...Should I build you a statue?
CHRIS: You do whatever the hell you want to do.
IGOR: That's OK...I already have enough to piss on.
CHRIS: MAKE FUCKING SENSE!

Just about right after they were done fighting about the door, they started fighting about other things. Igor wanted to put on the flourescent light, but Chris thought it was too bright. He told Igor to turn on his lamp, but Igor didn't like it because it wasn't bright enough and he said it shined in his eyes.

IGOR: I don't like the lamp, it shines in my eyes.
CHRIS: So don't look at it!
IGOR: I can't not look at it!
CHRIS: Just don't look at the light! You can look away, you're not a fucking bug!
IGOR: What?
CHRIS: Bugs are attracted to light, they fly towards it.
IGOR: Prove it.
CHRIS: Show me a fucking text book that says it.
IGOR: Show me a text book that doesn't say it.

IGOR: I don't like the lamp, the light shines right at me!
CHRIS: It's fucking light, what light doesn't shine at you?
IGOR: A flashlight.
CHRIS: A FLASHLIGHT FLASHES RIGHT AT YOU!
IGOR: ...Exactly.

CHRIS: Don't push me.
IGOR: I'm sorry, excuse me.
CHRIS: Yeah, you'd better say excuse me because I don't want your dirty fucking hands on me.
IGOR: Oh, yeah, I'm dirty...what's your point?
CHRIS: That you're dirty.