ARREST ARTEST

This is absolutely insane. Unbelievable. Just to the left of the article there, watch the video: "See the fight that ended the game." This is the place to see all kinds of video, including high res stuff with DivX and a SportsCenter recap, neither of which I've watched yet.

Top Four Things Other Than Being Hit With Cups of Beer That Lead to Ron Artest Punching Random People:

4. When musicians who try and pretend like they have credibility and then lip sync on national TV. (Aside: is this better than Ashlee Simpson? Right now I say yes, but we'll see which has the better staying power.)
3. When the idiots at Subway put mayonaisse on his roast beef and turkey sub when he specifically asks for no mayo. He fucking hates that! (Inside the mind of the average Shrimp Products reader: "What is with this kid's obsession with Subway?")
2. Three words: pork barrel spending.
1. When Paul Anka slices through him like a fucking hammer (which Mr. Anka does whenever he fucking moves).

LET'S HAVE SOME FUN!

Come up with another reason thing other than being hit with cups of beer that makes Ron Artest start punching random people and put it in the comments. I've seen other blogs do this and it works though most of those blogs have readerships larger than four, so we'll see how it goes. And you may think I've used up all the good inside jokes, but keep in mind, Nick Nolte and Don Zimmer are still out there.

Kenan Thompson watch

After making it on Saturday Night Live on the virtue of his experience on Nickolodeon's All That (yes, SNL is now hiring All That alums; they're that desperate), I decided to keep an eye on rising young talent Kenan Thompson. And where do I find him? Well until the wait for "Peter Cottontail: The Movie" is over, I'll just have this.

Speaks for itself, I think.

And what about his best buddy Kel?

Mmm, not so much.

He's cohosting the TV show "Dance 360" and provided his voice talents for "Clifford's Really Big Movie". According to IMBD, this is the first he's worked since 2000.

Other post-All That careers:

Lori Beth Denberg in "Dodgeball" and "18 Fingers of Death!" in 2004.
"Wacky" Josh Server has done nothing since 2001's "Discovery." You remember "Discovery"...right?
Danny "Pete" Tamberelli hasn't worked since 2002, when he was in "Fillmore!" and "Igby Goes Down."

The Smithsonian: wants to be a pirate

Seinfeld's Puffy Shirt Joins Smithsonian

Move over, ruby slippers. That puffy shirt's moving in.

The outlandishly unfashionable shirt worn by Jerry Seinfeld on his hit TV show went on display Friday at the Smithsonian, alongside Kermit the Frog, Archie Bunker's chair and Dorothy's magic slippers from "The Wizard of Oz."

...

"It looks funny and it sounds funny, and that's a good combination for a joke," Seinfeld told The Washington Post at a donation ceremony Thursday night.

Seems like a good choice. I can't think of a better Seinfeld prop offhand.

A North Korean diplomat, asked about reports of portraits of Kim Jong Il being taken down in North Korea

"This is false information, lies. Can the sun be removed from the sky? It is not possible."

Questions you'll never have to ask

1) What do you mean I have scurvy?
2) I'm not sure. What's your favorite moment of the Crocodile Dundee series?
3) Did the Triceratops charge at you before or after you changed its diaper?
4) How was I drafted by Indonesia and the Ukraine at the same time?
5) Could you just stop asking questions and get the table out of my ear?
6) Have you seen my jaw?
7) What's the last thing you remember before the cow stabbed you?
8) Did you vote for Senator Nolte or President-Elect Fogle?
9) Will you marry me, Nickolodeon's Stick Stickley?

Inside the mind of:

The men cornered by dermatologist Christopher B. Harmon, M.D. coming out of the bathroom: "Aw, shit. What did this guy see? I'd better make something up about moisterizing."

A child attacked by monkeys: "I think I bet on the wrong horse here. So who should I worship now, Oz?"

A National Guard pilot who dreamed of better: "Keep me out of college, will you? Take THAT, Mrs. Waxler!"

This baby: "Is her career over yet or what?"

The friends of the beavers in this story: "Those Johnsons have such a gaudy house. What show-offs."

Bu-Bu-Bu-Best of Balderdash

“Bimbo the Great”
A sassy whore from New Jersey becomes Czarina of 19th century Russia.
Me

OFTC
Offensive Fetal Talent Contest
Dan

Robert Opal
Also known as “Rob the Slob,” this infamous criminal successfully stole 217 cars before being caught.
Steve

“The Suitors”
A 19th century debutante entertains a group of 5 competing gentlemen suitors only to find that 3 are space aliens, 1 is a woman, and the other is an ape.
The Fork

“The Suitors”
A SWAT team moves in on Iranians who are about to sacrifice a sheep in their apartments.
The real answer

Underappreciated Joke

"I'll tell you why John Kerry lost the election. On his left side he had the guy he saved from drowning on Vietnam. And on his right side he had Ted Kennedy."
-Rich Vos

Heh heh heh...

Inside the mind of: the fat person that has to get taken out of their house via forklift through a hole in the side of their house

Jeez, this is embarrassing. Maybe I should lose some weight.