Shrimp Products: Corporate Sponsorship

In order to raise the funds to keep this fledgling little operation afloat and support some of my more expensive ventures (the Shrimp Products little league team, mass production of the Shrimp Products "Get Well Soon--Or Else I'll Kill You" greeting cards, mass production of the Shrimp Products fanny pack), I'm selling advertising on Shrimp Products. But not banner ads--oh no! I refuse to compromise my artisitic vision of web design by cluttering up the front page with flashing boxes and whatnot (and besides, I don't know who would be willing to pay on a site that averages about three hits a day). Instead, I am compromising my other artistic vision with very subtle product placement. You won't even notice!

To demonstrate, here's a passage from my story Ark as it appeared when I originally posted it in March.

Noah burst into the kitchen panting. His family looked up from their dinner, mildly curious as to what had put the usually even-tempered man into such a frenzy. He leaned against a chair and collected himself for several seconds. Ham lost interest and went back to his dinner.

Pretty basic, right? But it doesn't really catch your attention and more importantly, it doesn't make me any money. But here's a scene from the new, improved, and lucrative version of Ark.

Noah burst into the kitchen panting. His stylish Teva sandals (which he had had for years--he never had to cash in on his lifetime warantee) slapped against their newly-installed beautiful linoleum tiles which had just been installed free-of-charge by the consumate professionals at the locals Lowe's home improvement warehouse. Noah's family looked up from their delicious Swanson's TV dinners--which are as easy to make as they are nutricious...that's Swanson's!, look for it in the frozen foods aisle--mildly curious as to what had put the usually even-tempered man into such a frenzy. He leaned against his luxurious La-Z-Boy recliner (which included a hidden upholder and massage capabilities) and collected himself for several seconds. Ham lost interest, put in his headphones, cranked the volume on his Deluxe Creative Nomad Zen Jukebox (now with an improved interface and a 75% greater customer satisfaction rating than Apple) and went back to his dinner, taking a sip of his icy cold glass of his delicious Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper. Be you. Do what you do. Nothing's better. Dr. Pepper.

Better, huh? More readable, more realistic, and I just made $1800! Look for more of this at Hanes Presents Shrimp Products Humor Blog (brought to you by Subway--Eat Fresh)