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Saturday, January 08, 2005
Friday, January 07, 2005
Fundraising
For some four months now, I've provided you with top-notch entertainment and comedy for free. Now I believe the Internet should always be free and I've never been into donating online myself, but I've got an idea and I need some funds to get it off the ground. Your help would be greatly appreciated.
I want to buy a Super Bowl ad. At least one. I'd probably buy one at the beginning of the game. I think the ratings are highest at that point. I don't know, I should look it up to make sure my ad gets maximum exposure.
Of course buying the ad would be the expensive part. The ad itself would be no frills. It would just be me sitting in a room. I'd stare right into the camera (the address of my web site would be on the bottom of the screen of course) and read the following message.
"Dear children of America. Santa Claus is not real. It is a lie told to you by your parents. The North Pole, the reindeer, the elves, the whole shebang. Made up. Completely fake. Ask them about it. That's all."
Is it wrong to ruin Christmas for millions of children around the world? Meh. Can't say I care. Just send me your money. Donors who give $10,000 or more will be allowed to sit next to me during the commercial. Donors who give more than $100,000 will be allowed to read a short statement on my ad time pending my approval of your statement. So open those wallets, Shrimp Products readers! Let's do it!
I want to buy a Super Bowl ad. At least one. I'd probably buy one at the beginning of the game. I think the ratings are highest at that point. I don't know, I should look it up to make sure my ad gets maximum exposure.
Of course buying the ad would be the expensive part. The ad itself would be no frills. It would just be me sitting in a room. I'd stare right into the camera (the address of my web site would be on the bottom of the screen of course) and read the following message.
"Dear children of America. Santa Claus is not real. It is a lie told to you by your parents. The North Pole, the reindeer, the elves, the whole shebang. Made up. Completely fake. Ask them about it. That's all."
Is it wrong to ruin Christmas for millions of children around the world? Meh. Can't say I care. Just send me your money. Donors who give $10,000 or more will be allowed to sit next to me during the commercial. Donors who give more than $100,000 will be allowed to read a short statement on my ad time pending my approval of your statement. So open those wallets, Shrimp Products readers! Let's do it!
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Ashlee Simpson: really should stick to lip synching
After a typically horrendous performance, Ashlee Simpson was booed offstage at the halftime show of the Orange Bowl. Look for some video online, it's worth seeing. I mean, when I say "Ashlee Simpson sung" I know you're thinking it's going to be horrible, but it's even more horrible than that. And then the boos! The glorious boos! I only saw a couple seconds on PTI, but it was wonderful.
Some opinions from Ashlee Simpson's fans, who are all such busy and important people, no less than three words a sentence must be abbreviated.
Question: will her little show have a second season? Because if so, I MUST WATCH IT. I can't even imagine what it must be like.
Some opinions from Ashlee Simpson's fans, who are all such busy and important people, no less than three words a sentence must be abbreviated.
Question: will her little show have a second season? Because if so, I MUST WATCH IT. I can't even imagine what it must be like.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Best Commercial Ever
NARRATOR: What's Cartman up to this time?
CARTMAN: I just need to make Butters think I'm a robot for a little while longer.
CARTMAN: I just need to make Butters think I'm a robot for a little while longer.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Joe: Found?
Background
Paul Anka's former light guy has emailed Ace, the blogger who originally brought Paul Anka's adeptness at slicing like a fucking hammer to my attention.
Check it out.
Paul Anka's former light guy has emailed Ace, the blogger who originally brought Paul Anka's adeptness at slicing like a fucking hammer to my attention.
I was a (stagehand) lightman for Paul Anka around 1974 - 1976... went out on tour a few times but I don't remember that particular reaming incident.
...
I'm thinking "Where's Joe?" might be Joe Guercio who used to be Elvis' conductor, but it might just be a Zen thing after all.
Check it out.
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