Aging

[This one is pretty absurd and inside, but if you've got a better idea for how to dress Ben Simpson in a bathrobe and slippers and drape an afghan over him and put him in a rocking chair, then I'd like to hear it. Obviously inspired by the mental image I was given by Christian somewhere in here.]

CHRISTIAN
Well now that Terriervision is up and running, people have been able to watch the show in their dorm rooms for the first time. So some of you home viewers may not know this, but we’ve been taping episodes for more than a year now. So to give you a little taste of what we’ve been doing with the show, our editor Ben Simpson has put together a little Best Of package. So let’s roll that.

Pause

CHRISTIAN
(CON’T)
Uh, do we have that package? We don’t? What happened? Ben?

CUT TO

BEN, sitting in an old rocking chair, wearing a bad sweater underneath a bathrobe, slippers and small reading glasses. He is covered by an afghan. He is rocking back and forth ever so slightly.

BEN
Yes?

CHRISTIAN
Ben? Do we have the package?

BEN
Yeah, yeah. Let me get that.

BEN tries to lift himself out of his chair with great effort, but eventually sinks back down, exhaling deeply.

BEN
(CON’T)
Ooh. That hurt.

CHRISTIAN
Uh Ben, is something wrong?

BEN
Oh you know. I’m just getting older. The joints aren’t what they used to be.

CHRISTIAN
I guess. Could you just—

BEN
The knees are acting up.

CHRISTIAN
The knees? You mean your knees or some other knees?

BEN
Oh, they’re aching. Must be a storm rolling in.

CHRISTIAN
OK, well could you get the tape please so we could roll—

BEN
I’m going, I’m going.

BEN finally pulls himself out of his chair, grunting and carrying on.

BEN
(CON’T)
Boy, it’s muggy in here.

CHRISTIAN
Yeah, I’m sorry about that.

BEN
Can’t you do something about that?

CHRISTIAN
I don’t know.

BEN
What’s that? Speak up.

CHRISTIAN
(shouting at first before becoming embarrassed and speaking normally)
I don’t know. Ben, are you OK?

BEN begins shuffling around aimlessly, patting his bathrobe and pants to check if he left the tape in his pocket.

BEN
Oh, you know how it is. The years fly by. Where did I put—

BEN pulls a remote out of his front pocket.

BEN
(CON’T)
Oh, here it is.

BEN walks over to CHRISTIAN, handing him the remote.

CHRISTIAN
No, Ben, this is a remote.

BEN
Oh, daggum it, I was looking for this—oh no, not this one, is this the remote to the VCR? Or maybe the DVD, I can't tell them apart. Where’s that TV remote?

BEN begins walking away and CHRISTIAN grabs him by his bathrobe to stop him.

CHRISTIAN
No, Ben. Not now, we’re looking for the tape.

BEN
Right, right, right. Have you seen that remote though? Because I—

CHRISTIAN
No, Ben. I’ll help you look for the remote later. Right now we just need that tape.

BEN
All right, all right, don’t get upset, now. I think I put it in your desk, could I just—

BEN tries to step up onto the couch but trips on the platform and lies motionless, making a number of quiet noises of distress and embarrassment. CHRISTIAN steps out from behind the desk to help Ben up.

CHRISTIAN
Oh my God, are you OK? Let me just—

BEN
(panting, out of breath)
Oh, I’m fine, don’t—don’t worry yourself with me. Just put me down on the couch.

With CHRISTIAN’S help, BEN sprawls out on the couch, puts his hand on his chest and breathes heavily for a few seconds. Christian tentatively returns to his spot behind the desk.

CHRISTIAN
So, uh, Ben. Are you OK?

BEN
Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine. I don't know where I put that remote, though.

CHRISTIAN
All right. I guess the tape will have to wait, we’ll be right back.