Silly little mistakes

Brian is a sixteen year old with his learner's permit. Dan is his driving instructor. Their car has broken down and they are leaning against it on the side of the road. Dan starts smoking a cigarette, then starts laughing. Dan speaks confidently and laughs at himself throughout. Brian speaks softly and is clearly uncomfortable, often chuckling humorlessly because he doesn't know what to say.

DAN: Don't start smoking. Don't ever start smoking.
BRIAN: OK.
DAN: Have you ever smoked before?
BRIAN: No. I mean, I don't know.
DAN: [laughing] Sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Plausible deniability, or something like that. Right?
BRIAN: [laughing uncomfortably] Yeah. I guess so.
DAN: Don't though. Really, don't. It's aged me--that's the worst thing, it's aged me terribly. Look at me.
BRIAN: Sorry?
DAN: No, just go ahead and look at me. [he juts out his chin] How old do you think I am? Guess how old I am.
BRIAN: I wouldn't know.
DAN: No, it's OK. I'm fine with it, I'm just curious.
BRIAN: [laughing uncomfortably] No, really, I'm terrible at this kind of thing anyway.
DAN: Really, it's OK, I won't be insulted.
BRIAN: [sighs] I just don't--
DAN: Please. Just, guess.
BRIAN: [lowballing, afraid to insult him] All right. Uh--I don't know. Thirty.

DAN pauses, looking both flattered and defeated.

DAN: No. I'm twenty six. That's close, though. Closer than most kids get. Most kids say thirty five at best. I even had one girl guess forty two.
BRIAN: [he can see something to this guess] Forty two? No way.
DAN: [laughing] Yeah. That one wasn't fun. But all the wrinkles, the craggly skin, the teeth. The teeth are the worst of all.
BRIAN: [looking down] I didn't notice.
DAN: Well, others do. And I do. That's the most important thing.

There is a silence. BRIAN kicks a rock absent-mindedly.

DAN: I started when I was your age. I stole them from my brother's room.
BRIAN: Yeah?
DAN: Yup. Do you have an older brother?
BRIAN: Yeah. Well, older sister.
DAN: Does she smoke?
BRIAN: I don't know. Not that I know of anyway.
DAN: Well that's how I started.

There is another pause.

DAN: I made a lot of stupid mistakes when I was a kid.
BRIAN: Everyone did.
DAN: Yeah, but some of us more than others. You know?
BRIAN: I guess, yeah.

DAN takes a deep breath.

DAN: I'm going to tell you something right now. This is something I've told, maybe two people voluntarily in my entire life.
BRIAN: [suddenly stronger, scared] Maybe you shouldn't.
DAN: No. I should. You know? I mean, I made a stupid mistake and I've lived the rest of my life trying to make up for it and to hide from it--that most of all--but sometimes you've just got to let go of the burden, you know? Well when I was seventeen, I was convicted of a crime.

BRIAN is very scared now. DAN quickly tries to reassure him.

DAN: It's nothing bad. Well, no, that's not true. It's bad, but--you know, you're in no danger. But--when I was seventeen, I was convicted of abusing a corpse.
BRIAN: Oh--my.
DAN: I won't get into the details--

BRIAN is dizzy.

DAN: But it was a stupid mistake. I think when you're younger, you think--I don't know what you think. But you just--there's this idea that what you do doesn't really matter at all. I think you just expect another chance. And not just the afterlife, because I never thought about that. But you don't really realize that you only get one life. You know?
BRIAN: [sick] God.
DAN: I mean, the idea of one life and then death and then nothing. It's inconceivable. Or it was inconceivable to me. So I knew there would be consequences, but I thought I would outlive them. But you never do.
BRIAN: [to shut him up] That's good advice, thank you.
DAN: I wish I could go back in time and not abuse that corpse. But the world doesn't work--

BRIAN runs into the woods and vomits. DAN watches him nervously, then returns to his cigarette.