Stunt double

BEN enters, carrying papers, which he throws on CHRISTIAN’S desk.

BEN
All right, this my desk? I’ll just throw these here.

CHRISTIAN
Who are you?

BEN shakes CHRISTIAN’S hand and touches his face.

BEN
Garret Brylle. I’m your new stunt double.

CHRISTIAN
Well, I don’t think I need a stunt double.

BEN
No skin off my back, little guy.

CHRISTIAN
What does that mean?

BEN
I’m just here to help.

CHRISTIAN
Well we don’t really do a lot of stunts on the show.

BEN
That’s probably why it blows.

CHRISTIAN
But you don’t even look like me, you won’t fool anyone.

BEN
Don’t worry, short stacks. Modern editing. It’ll be seamless. Watch.

A clip from the BU fundraisers sketch.

BEN
(V.O.)
Oh no! This set’s gonna blow!

An explosion fills the screen. There is a clip of BEN, barely jumping, diving awkwardly onto a cardboard box.

BEN
My shoulder!

CHRISTIAN and BEN, back at the desk.

CHRISTIAN
That was awful.

BEN
Well it was good enough for your wife. I nailed her.

CHRISTIAN
I don’t have a wife.

BEN
You never know what’s gonna happen out there. What if this happens during the monologue.

BEN in the monologue area.

BEN
So some shitheads were walking down Comm Ave—whoa!

Terrible pratfall into a pile of boxes.

BEN
My shoulder!

CHRISTIAN
That would never happen.

BEN
Which reminds me. I need some cash. Workman’s comp.

CHRISTIAN
What?

BEN
My shoulder. I hurt it.

CHRISTIAN
But we didn’t hire you. You don’t work for us.

BEN
Oh, you didn’t?

BEN, signing a form.

BEN (continued)
I, Christian Lynch, sure am signing this workman’s comp form!

Another pratfall into a pile of boxes.

BEN (continued)
My shoulder!

Back to BEN and CHRISTIAN at the desk.

CHRISTIAN
That wasn’t me.

BEN
Here’s the deal, Lunch. I’m gonna set your tie on fire.

CHRISTIAN
Why?

BEN starts moving towards CHRISTIAN with a lighter. He trips and falls into another pile of boxes.

BEN
My shoulder!

COMMERCIAL