You Yum?

1
Yo.

2
Hi.

1
Yo, you Yum?

2
What?

1
Yo. You Yum?

2
I don't understand what you're saying.

1
I'm asking if you Yum.

2
Yeah, I got that.

1
Do you?

2
No. No, I guess not.

1 pulls out a candy bar and laughs.

1
Oh. Too bad. I woulda given you my last Yum.

2
Yum?

1
You haven't seen the commercials?

2
No.

1
Yum bar.

1 unwraps it.

2
What's in it?

1
I don't know. Want a taste?

2
I'm allergic to peanuts, are there peanuts in it?

1
The fuck should I know? I haven't eaten it yet.

2
So you bought it without knowing what it is?

1
The fuck should I care? I'm only allergic to pollen.

2
Well there might be pollen in there.

1
You think?

2
Yeah, man, better check the ingredients.

1
You idiot.

2
No, I'm serious.

1 stares and 2 and decides that he really is serious. He searches the wrapper and finds the ingredients.

1
It doesn't say pollen.

2
Well what does it say?

1
Pollen isn't food. They wouldn't put it in candy.

2
It's used in some preservatives. They grind it up. And oh, does it say "artificial colors?" They use it when they want to make things look yellow.

1 doesn't believe 2. He stares at him and opens his mouth as if to take a bite, but can't go through with it. He holds the candy. 1 and 2 stare at one another. Finally, 2 is bored and knocks the candy out of 1's hand into the dirt.

1
Yo! The fuck, man?

2
That's for asking me an asinine question like Do I Yum.

1
It's just a slogan, man. You take everything too seriously.

2
Oh, I do, do I?

1
Yeah. It's ridiculous. I'm just trying to share a little candy with you in a light-hearted friendly sort of way and this is what you do. You mock me and you knock my candy onto the ground.

2
I don't care what your intentions were. It's annoying.

1
Well how would you like it?

2
How would I like what?

1
If I knocked your candy to the ground? What would you do then?

2
I would knock your candy onto the ground in response.

1
You have candy?

2
In my car.

1
Well let's go then.